Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Kanye West, and Other Tools

It's been a while since I've posted. Primarily because I'm still recovering from our last two UCB functions. But as the year comes to a close it is time again for the UU Undie awards. And of course...as always...I have an opinion. Firstly let me say that I have never won one. Nor would I expect to, there are just too many folks out there that are actually good. However, someone I have never met nominated one of my videos (ok, it was a UCB collab) but still....I gotta say, I'm really flattered. Maybe more so than actually winning.

We have talked before about how beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and judging any kind of art is completely subjective, and success in music is about popularity, not talent....etc. You only have to look to the Grammy awards to see how this plays out. Kanye West and Paul McCartney both have 13 Grammys. The Beatles as a band have 4. Eminem has 11. Cold Play has the same number as Simon and Garfunkel. Santana won 8, but all in 2000 with that dip-shit Rob Thomas, and NONE in the 70's when he was actually good. Beyonce has 16, but do you know how many Neil Young has? Take a guess....1, yes ONE and it was in 2009 for Best Boxed or Limited Edition Package. Seriously?

So, back to the Undies. This award takes "popularity contest" to a new low, by allowing people to nominate themselves, and then try to get others to vote for them. If I nominated my own video, and then conscripted all my face-book friends to go vote for it, and I won the god damned award...then what? Do I go to bed thinking "wow, I'm good". No, I go to bed thinking "wow, I'm a tool!". Im not saying that all Undie winners are "tools". The vast majority are very good, and very deserving. But soliciting votes....?

So if I am going to win an Undie, it will be because people decided on their own to vote for me. I will not nominate myself, and I will not ask people to vote for me....and anyone who does...is, in my opinion...a d-bag. And just one more thing, if I DO win, I hope I take after Neil Young, and win for "Best Package".

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Scrotum Song

Yeah. It's that kind of day.

Sunday afternoons were made for the Asylum Street Spankers...

How did we not write this?

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Bo Diddley, the Original Mack Daddy

Bo Diddley is so cool he can play songs with his name in the title.

"Bo! Awesome song! What'cha gonna call it?"

"Bo Diddley."

"Don't ya think that's a little-"

"Don't question Bo Diddley! If Bo Diddley says the name of the song is Bo Diddley, then the name of the song is Bo Diddley!"

Seriously. There's the self titled track, Bo Diddley, then there's Hey Bo Diddley, The Story of Bo Diddley, Bo Diddley is Loose, Bo Diddley's Hootnanny... he even has a song called Bo Diddleys Dog. Then there's Bo's Blues, Bo's Guitar, Bo's Twist, Bo's Waltz... and my personal favorite title: Bo's a Lumber Jack. Yeah, seems like he was stretching at that point.

"Bo Diddley's gonna play a new song. It's a song about Bo Diddley. It's called 'Bo Diddley put the Rock in Rock N Roll'"

"Bo, it's kind of presumptuous to-"

"Quiet! Bo Diddley did put the rock in rock N roll! Now you best settle down before Bo Diddley takes it back out!"

He did, however write the classic blues song I'm A Man, so thanks for that one! I'm thinking the reason most of his songs were written about himself is ... well... check some of his other titles: You Ugly, Cookie Headed Diddley... and... I'll Lick Yo Face. Yes I'm serious about that one.

"You'll lick my what?!"

"Bo Diddley will lick yo face! Don't make Bo Diddley do it!"

"Bo, Bo... calm down!"

"Do you want Bo Diddley to lick yo face?! Bo Diddley swears he'll do it!"

I don't know why Bo Diddley becomes Ike Turner in my head ;)

Friday, November 19, 2010

Have you seen him?

Portland, OR — Multnomah County Sheriff’s Office has enlisted the help of local law enforcement agencies just across the state line to pursue a public menace.  Authorities have been looking for Klevin McBiel (aka Karaoke Klevin, aka Tunes McGee, aka Tom Jones Lite) for nearly four years.

A Multnomah County arrest warrant was issued for the sing-songy fugitive in April, 2006.  It stems from several complaints of loud and awesome karaoke singing pouring out from Portland's seediest roadhouses.  The victims at the time were all under the age of 38, one being as young as 19 years old.  McBiel has family and friends along the Washington/Canada border as well as close connections in Alaska.  In the past he has lived in Colonial Williamstown, NY; Tacoma, WA; and Fresno, CA.

Since being sworn into office one year ago, Multnomah County Sheriff, Judson B. Rumburger, Jr. has placed a high priority on seeking out and arresting karaoke performers who blow too many minds.  This week, Sheriff’s Office Citizens Services Commander, Lt. Barry Nutbutter, and Crime Prevention Specialist, Timothy Satchnab, have been handing out wanted posters with McBiel’s picture to businesses along the Oregon/Washington border where he is believed to have been living.

McBiel is 6-foot-8 and weighs about 3 sacks of large russet potatoes. He has blue eyes and was last seen with red hair, but may have changed the color.  Do not attempt to confront McBiel directly, as he is known to be wielding a golden microphone and is not afraid to use it.  If you may know of McBiel's whereabouts you may be eligible for a reward through Crime Stoppers of Multnomah County.  That number is 1-800-555-TIPS (8477). 

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Short Review of Adellapalooza 2.0

It went something like this...


"Shot time!"

"uuuhhhhh.... I'm dying."

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Bitch bitching about bitches.

Sweden is a great country in many ways. We have beautiful, clean nature, a very democratic, equal society and a health care system that would make the Tea Party Patriots vomit with revulsion, just by thinking about how well we take care of those less fortunate. Well, fuck all that! I'd be happy to go all Sarah Palin on those poor fuckers, just to get a piece of some of those great things you have in the USA. I'm not talking about the Second Amendment, Adam Sandler or even Baconnaise.

I'm talking about bitches. Not any ol' kind of bitches (we have plenty of those), but the Uke Crazy Bitches. I want to be with you Uke Crazy Bitches. And most of all, I want to go to the Adellepalooza! Oh man… Just thinking of all of you laughing, singing, playing, drinking, smooching, swordfighting and snacking on sausages without me just breaks my poor sensitive little emo heart.

But I hope the image of me, naked and in foetus position on my cold cellar floor, crying my eyes out - while the rest of my family and friends celebrate my sons 2nd birthday upstairs - won't spoil the party for you all…

Happy Adellepalooza, bitches!

The happy days...

Saturday, November 6, 2010

Yeah yeah... We know he's good.

I love James Hill... I really do. He's nauseatingly talented, refreshingly creative, and by all accounts a damn nice guy. I'm not posting this because of him though - but because of Anne Davison on cello.

The thing is, I've been looking for a cello player for nearly two years under the assumption that the cello is a near perfect compliment for the uke for both bassline and melody. After being pooh-poohed about the idea and told it would never work by a large number of players, here is fine example of the concept. James and Anne have been playing together most of this year and every time I hear them I'm blown away. So yeah, cello + uke = awesome.

Of course, now every clown and his brother will be snapping up cello players like bacon and biscuits, not to mention making James/Anne comparisons when I finally do find a cello buddy myself, but hey - at least I know I was right.