Monday, August 31, 2009
I give up, world.
Sunday, August 30, 2009
This girl has subbed every UCB'r except me. Not only is this like Tom from myspace not being your friend, but I actually gave her a ride one time and told her how much I liked her music. Hell, I was alone in a hot tub drinking with her until like 3:00 A.M. (ok, she wasn't drinking...but I sure was...and we weren't really alone, Ben Mealer was there too...and I may have been more than a little obnoxious...) But damn it. She doesn't have to like my music, or even like me for that matter... in fact I would respect her even more if she didn't...hell, she is even one of my facebook friends...and still no sub! Obviously not only does she hate me, but God hates me too.
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Supposedly, you capture the 3 still frames from the videos beginnning, middle & end. But I think I'm on to you, Youtube. Yeah.. I know all about you & your game. Maybe you don't play it with everyone, but you're playing it with me. And I don't think that's nice, Youtube. I don't think it's nice to not tell me we're playing a game. I mean, you made the rules, you could at least tell me it's on, it's go time.
I know what you're doing. You wait & you wait... then "There! There it is! That's it!"
The retard face.
At some point, I make the retard face... my mouth is open, one eye is squinted all funny & the other is like, fully open & looking off to the other side or something... my hand is a blur cause I'm in midstrum, but it's debatably close to my chest in the international "doy" sign. I look like I'm either gonna sneeze, throw up,or just got done doing both of those things at once. If you tried to type out the sound it looks like I'm making, it would be "nyeeeeehh".
And that's when you freeze frame. I hope you're all getting a good chuckle there in the breakroom, Youtube. Sipping your coffee... or maybe herbal tea cause I have a feeling your kinda wussy like that... it'd be apple cinnamon or something... gettin your kicks off of my retard face. I know you got pushed into lockers in highschool, Youtube, but that's no reason to give me a hard time now.
Oh, and if I offended anyone with the word "retard".... what are you doing reading the UCB site? Offensive is our thing ;)
But before I go, I hearby officially rename the City of Pattaya, Thailand "AlanTown". "UKICity" came in a close second...
Friday, August 28, 2009
ramonesrock2074 (6 minutes ago)
ur a nigger
Thank you, rr2074! You've just settled a life-long debate for me!
Man, it's taking me forever to get to 1,000 subs.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
so maybe it's time for some lube, because these creative juices just aren't flowin'. there are only 4 more days left in August and i can't seem to come up with anything for Grumpy's Bring the Song Challenge. anyhow, i may have to just fail for August and have better hopes for September. maybe by then something happy or tragic will happen in my life and i'll be inspired to jot down some words. maybe an anvil will fall on my head tomorrow and i'll be in too much of a vegetative state to have to write anymore. i wonder if Adelle and Grumpy would like me more as a vegetable.
how do you prolific songwriters do it? is it the heroin? cuz i can find heroin....
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
1. From lawjent: your my hero:D
2. From 4clurtie: You're an idiot. You should be arrested. hope you don't kill anyone but yourself when you have your crash.
..seconds apart in time, yet miles apart in tone. I've always wanted the "go kill yourself" comment. Is this as close as I'm going to get?
Sunday, August 23, 2009
I was going to write a whole article on my first day in Bangkok, but Santa Condom really speaks for himself.
At first I thought the "Santa Burger" chain was an isolated Thai misappropriation of St. Nick... but then this. Apparently it is x-mas every day in Bangkok. And then some.
Not that I mind... I kind of like Santa when he's out and about like this.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Friday, August 21, 2009
I came across a young uke playing lad from England today whilst cruising around the tube. He looked to be about 8 years old (turned out he is 14), and was playing a cover of Bob Marley's Stir It Up. I was very impressed that such a young nipper was playing a classic Marley tune on the uke, and playing it so well. At first I thought that the future is not so bleak after all. I mean in my normal life I am surrounded by dread-lock-wearing, tattoo-covered, cheek-pierced, ear lobe-stretched, American Spirit-smoking, PBR-drinking, Johnny Cash-listening, hipster wanna-bes. And now here is this fresh young face, so full of promise and hope. It almost brought a tear of joy to my eye. Then I saw the list of "musical influences" on his YouTube homepage......Bob Marley, Julia Nunes, and.....wait for it..... Jason Mraz. That's like saying your influences are Jake Shimabakuro, Boozelele, and Keyboard Cat.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Bying a flip for my trip to Asia - I know some of you (all?) have one of these little guys.
Any advice on which models to buy/not buy?
Here's a huge list of the things, and I'm not sure which ones are the suck.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
In a previous post, I was pondering my all too imminent death, and opined that Russ may have poisoned us while we were in S.F. My basis for this allegation was the fact that I was sleeping way more, and way deeper than usual. I literally could not keep my eyes open. This is actually very rare for me. In my normal life, I am an insomniac to the nth degree (I think Deach knows what this is like - based on the fact that he is always the first one to comment on my videos...at like 4:00 A.M EST). I am lucky to sleep six fitful hours each night...in fact, six hours would be heaven.
Well, now that time has passed and we are more than a week removed from our excursion, my sleeping habits are returning to normal. Meaning I can't sleep for shit. So the only conclusion I could draw is that Russ didn't poison me at all. I was sleeping the sleep that only three days of uke playing with my favorite people could produce (and you know what I mean by "uke-playing"). So now I have come to the realization that the only way to achieve that kind of peaceful sleep is through another UCB function. Adelle suggested quarterly meetings. Since sleep is so important to our overall health, I think she may be on to something. Now if I can only talk my medical insurance provider into paying for the trip....
NOTE: For those of you readers who do not have full UCB membership...fear not, you too can get a peaceful night's sleep. All you have to do is get together with good friends, drink WAY too much alcohol, play a lot of music, and stay up for the better part of 96 hours. Let me know if you need a note from your doctor. And be sure to share your experience with us. -Boozelele M.D.
Monday, August 17, 2009
YouOriginal (1 week ago)
Spam Marked as spam
Sorry removed user for not subscribing.
I'm guessing he subscribed to the UCB channel and then got pissed that UCB didn't sub back.
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Although it came with little fanfare, a new UCB contributer was christened in San Francisco last weekend. Grumpy Coyote had been campaigning for full contributer status for some time. At first it was cute in a raggedy, prdophile kind of way. But eventually it just became embarrassing and pathetic. So a secret meeting was held and after hours of deliberation, in a close 3 to 2 vote (with one abstention*) The Grumpy One was allowed into our secret society. Of course there will be a probationary period where he will be our virtual slave and subjected to all kinds of taunting, teasing, and tea-bagging. But in time, if he sticks with it, he can become a total U.C.Bitch with all its privileges and benefits. Please join me in congratulating him.
*one member did not make the trip...we tried to get Corser to vote in his stead, but all he did was growl and piss on Grumpy's shoe. We counted that as a NO vote. It's likely that Alan would have responded the same way, hence the 3 to 2 vote count.
Saturday, August 15, 2009
I started to point them out to my other half "Look, a... a... " & I didn't know what to say. What do you call a group of d-bags? A flock? A flock of douche bags. Maybe a gaggle or pack? Certainly not a pride or school... those words are far too kind to be associated with d-bags. Herd or swarm seem more fitting. "I narrowly avoided a swarm of d-bags today. They were crawling all over Crapplebees parking lot."
*I hate that fucking place. I was at the bank, across the parking lot.
Friday, August 14, 2009
I hate the new Youtube layouts!
But what I hate even more is the ominous warning about them on my profile page
"New Youtube Channels are coming soon"
Screw you, Youtube. Your new channel designs can suck it. They are poorly laid out & hard to navigate. ::crosses arms defiantly::
Thursday, August 13, 2009
LET'S DO IT!
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
I just got this comment:
kdoggfly53 has made a comment on "Bring the Song" CD challenge!:
prdophile ass old man
Yep - he called me a "prdophile"... Brilliant. They just get more and more clever.
I guess the only solution is to start planning the next UCB function. Who's with me?
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Ok. Somebody needs to cough up some video of this RIGHT NOW!
I also know that AdelletheGreat made an appearance too. So come on, folks! Get wid it!
Friday, August 7, 2009
the whole gang has arrived. this is the last time you'll see us sober.
wish you were here Alan! excessive cussing isn't the same without you :)
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Monday, August 3, 2009
When I comment, I try to refer to something in the actual video I'm commenting on to show specific appreciation for some aspect of it. Like, "LOL the way the booger flew from your nose at the coda." Then and only then is when a "great job" comment should be added.
Some haters do the same thing - comment and don't even tell you what made them conclude "yer gay" or "u suk lol". At least tell me why, and then maybe I'll suk lol a little less next time.
So, come on! Both haters and friends. Be specific. I'd appreciate it.
I bring this up because I received on comment on this last video that said, and I quote " Not smart dude. Just eliminated you. Good by." I don't know if any of you have lost a subscriber for careless behavior. Maybe I'm the first. And I'm not really upset that I lost a subscriber, but for f*#k sake...when Victoria Vox drives and plays it is charming and shows her dedication to the ukulele...when I do it it is a reckless stunt, risking almost certain death, done solely in some desperate need for attention. Well "Ukeedreamer", if you're out there, bite me.