Monday, November 30, 2009

BOSS RC-20XL loop thingie

In disappointment over the apparently failed purchase of a used KoAloha D-VI (he never got back to me with a video) I bought myself a sympathy gift.

In the unlikely case that you don’t know what these things do, they can record a phrase of music on the fly and essentially allow you to do unlimited multi-tracking – live. So the curse of the solo uke guy (that is, a thin orchestration with no bottom end) is somewhat removed, and you can impress the drunk guy in the front row with your mighty one-man-band skillz.

I bought it intending to chunk out a rhythm track, lay down a basic chord progression and then sing and solo over that in live performances. It works like a charm for that, although I’ll need a bit more practice and guts to get it just right for the stage. The margin for error is pretty small, and if you make a mistake, it’s repeated endlessly. I can hit it about 70% of the time. Good enough for open mic, but I’m still not quite ready.

I expected to use it on maybe 2 songs – it was a total impulse buy and I was already having a little buyer’s remorse after a few hours. But…

What I didn’t expect was the pure utility of the thing. By day two I realized that while live performance is cool (provided I can pull it off), for simply practicing and writing this do-hicky is amazing. The ability to lay a progression down and instantly hear it repeated while I work out melody was unexpectedly useful. And for practicing solos, it’s worth its weight in choco-tacos. With the batteries in (as opposed to the 9v converter) all I need is a pair of headphones, a cable, and my uke and I can practice my face off anywhere – No amp required.

So while I may never get the balls to perform with it, it’s surprisingly handy as an everyday doo-dad. I expect I’ll use it at least a few times a week even if I never put it on stage.

Adelle's Weekly Bitch Session: Bathroom Spotter

Bathroom Spotter: the person sitting closest to the restroom in a restaurant (or other public place) should totally be responsible for telling you whether or not said bathroom is occupied!

Don't ya think?!

You go up, you knock... yr listening... maybe there's a faint rustling in there, not really sure. You knock again, ear pressed to the door... still not positive you're hearing anything. So you try the door knob only to find it locked, but you've already jiggled it really loudly & probably in what appears to be a menacing &/or desperate manner to the person that's in there. "Just a minute!" they bellow... they have suddenly gone from mute to yelling.

You have to walk back to your seat, past the lady sitting directly in front of the bathroom door. She gives you a look. It's smug... it's "Hmmph"... it's "Somebodies in there, eh?". You give her a look back. It's "Where were you on that one, bitch? Could'a let me know... help a sister out!".

Bathroom spotter... I'm telling ya...

So you sit back down & you watch the bathroom door. Eventually it opens... somebody comes out & does that "Whoa.. where the fuck am I?" thing where you turn your head from side to side & pan the whole room because for some reason going in the bathroom makes you forget where you were sitting in the restaurant.

But you stay seated for a minute longer, even after they get out, don't you? Try to make it look casual... don't want them to KNOW you're the door-knob-jiggler...

Have you ever walked in on someone in a public bathroom, or been walked in on?

I was walked in on once in a fast food restaurant bathroom by a little Mexican child.

She was probably about 10 or so & shut the door immediatly. No big deal, right? I went & sat back down with my friends to finish my food, didn't even feel the need to mention it to them.

When suddenly, I was approached by a Mexican couple & the same little girl. They drag her over yelling all excitadly in Spanish... speaking incredibly fast & loud. They basically push her up to me, still talking hurriedly at her. They shutup long enough for her to say "I'm sorry." then they both smile at me & say "She sorry." then grab the girl & drag her away yelling in Spanish again.

My friends mouths are just hanging open. "Duuuuuude.... what the fuck just happened?"

Friday, November 27, 2009

How to Prevent a Career in Music

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Happy Thanksgiving

I am thankful for:

  • the mute button (though I wish it could be installed on people)
  • the"back" button
  • the ignore button


Monday, November 23, 2009

DMV: Department of Maniacal Vehemency

I'm in the process of putting a new (to me) car on the road... which meant that I had to deal with the inevitable trip to...::dun dun duuuun:: the DMV. ::shudder::

I walk into the building holding 8 pieces of paper. "Oh, DMV Gods, I bring thee offerings of much paperwork! Will that be enough to appease you today?" Seriously.

I go in & take a number; 11. They're currently waiting on #5. Not bad, not bad. I go over to the wall-o-forms... which, I might add, is blocked by a row of chairs. Yes, to accomodate more waiting people, they've put a row of chairs right in front of the forms... so you have to like shove your armpit into these peoples faces to get what you need, especially when you're short like me. I almost had to climb on a crackhead ladies lap to reach the shit.

I now have 10 pieces of paper, and a little ticket with my number. I sit down to wait.

Of course when yr at the DMV, you watch & listen to the people that are being waited on at the counter. It's always nerve racking... watching those before you get shot down....

Someone will walk up to the counter carrying handfulls of forms & paperwork, & that snot behind the desk will just flick through them, give a look over her glasses & say "Do you have form FR16?" "Well I... I don't know... I thought that..." "Yeah, you're going to need to fill out form FR16 before we can get started. NEXT!" "But I've been waiting for over an hour... my husband is..." "NEXT!!" & she has nothing to do but shuffle off with her head hung down dejectadly.

They won't budge an inch on anything. I watched one woman try to put a car on the road... she had the title & was trying to transfer into her name. "Is this the person's name that you bought it from?" "Yes." "Well, they actually needed to sign on THIS line... so you're going to have to get back with them & have them do that. Until then I can't help you." It was the same bitch behind the counter... the eye-glass-looker-over-er. If I had to make a guess... I'd say it's been at least 3 years since she's gotten laid. Seriously. What a bitch.

I can only imagine what the application looks like to work there: Question 1- Do you enjoy the feeling of crushing others hopes & dreams? Question 2- Do you feel a smug sense of superiority abusing what little power you have? Special note: all applicants must pass a rigorous 'glare & stare' test, as well as a bitchiness exam, and must score at least 8 out of 10 on both to be eligible for employment here.

It's always nerve racking... you're never sure if you've got everything you need with you, and there's no way to find out until AFTER you've waited for way to fucking long. Because time moves slower at the DMV. I don't know if it's the crackheads, the screaming babies, the bitchy counter help... or maybe there's something to that smell in the air... that smell of piss & vinegar & sweat & broken dreams. Maybe ya just kind of catch a buzz off of it, & that's why 15 minutes at the DMV is equivelant to 4 hours of Chinese water torture... or listening to an Alanis Morisette album in it's entirety; however ya want to look at it.

Friday, November 20, 2009

1 Subscriber?!

I love this guy. I don't know his name or where he lives (his YT channel says Trinidad & Tobago), but whenever he posts a ukulele video (which is rare), I enjoy it. This is his latest - not his best, though still good - and I thought he deserved a shout-out.

Oh, and he has 1 subscriber. Me.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Somebody Stop Me

Crap. This KoAloha D-VI (or DIV for you Deach) is up on Fleamarketmusic's marketplace for $850US, w/ case.
Already having him make me a video so I know it's the real deal (as opposed to one of the recent scams).

I may be doomed. I'm about to pay $850 + shipping for what is essentially a Koa-wood capo.
Quick - buy it before I can.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

For 'Delly's Road Rage

Like they made it for you...

Formal Road Rage

An open letter to the guy that cut me off in traffic this morning for no apparent reason (seriously, there were like NO cars behind me for miles) and then proceeded to drive 15 miles under the speed limit:

Dear sir,

Why ya gotta be such a douche bag? I mean, seriously, dude... was that really necessary?


Adelle (the Great)

Monday, November 16, 2009

Moody Monday

The Wham! post by Booze got me a tad depressed. So let's lighten the mood!

Enjoy this light-hearted romp from the comedy classic "Hilary and Jackie!"

I've Got Your Ear-Worm Right Here

A couple weeks ago Russell blogged about the pain of getting some lame-ass song stuck in your head. We’ve all had it happen to us. Usually it’s some inane pop hit like “Oops I Did It Again” or “Living La Vida Loca”. I started thinking about this dilemma and wondered what would be the worst song to get stuck in your head? I remember a news story once of a guy who rolled his car into the ditch, and was trapped for 48 hours before he was found. When they finally came and pulled him out, they asked him what the hardest part of the ordeal was. He said it wasn’t the lack of food or water, it was that Wham was in his tape deck on auto-reverse and he had to listen to it over and over again till his battery mercifully died 36 hours after the accident. Can you imagine “Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go” for 36 hours? Seriously, put a bullet in my head before you go-go.

So this leads to the question; What is the “worst” song ever? Now I realize there are different genres of music, so for arguments sake lets say rock/pop music. The list has been compiled several times by various media outlets including VH1 and USA Today. And although there are some differences between each list, there are also some common songs. Here are some that always seem to make the top (or in this case-bottom) ten:

I'm Too Sexy - Right Said Fred
Every Body Have Fun Tonight – Wang Chung
Achy Breaky Heart – Billy Ray Montana-Cyrus
Heart of Rock n Roll – Huey Lewis
Don’t Worry Be Happy – Bobby McFucking Shoot-Me
Ice Ice Baby – Vanilla Douche Bag

But the song that consistently makes the #1 worst song is “We Built This City” by Starship. Starship? Who the fuck is Starship? No relation to Jefferson Starship, right? And what city? San Francisco? None of you were even in the band! Ok Grace Slick was, but for f’s sake….. The city was built on a lot of things, not the least of which is the San Andreas Fault…but you dorks didn’t build shit. Wait though is this really the "worst" song ever? I would rank any of the ones listed above as worse...oh and remember that lame-ass Eddy Murphy song?

Ok…I feel better now.

Friday, November 13, 2009

Apparently, we're late to the game :(

this guy should post more.

mmm, banana hatecakes.

Haz it been a year?


Thursday, November 12, 2009


Been almost two months since the last UCB vid.....

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

I got the baritone blues...

Ok. I've said it before, "My next uke is either custom, or a top-of-the-line KoAloha D-VI..." Blaa, blaa, blaa. I'm supposed to be saving my pennies for that. But now I want a baritone.

Now that I think about it, I don't think any of us UCB folks have one at all...

The first choice is obvious, Mike and Tookta over at mainland have a nice mahogany baritone now. Even with a case and pick-up, it's still about the best bang for the buck out there. Of course it doesn't get me any closer to my D-VI, but hey - we manage our UAS as best we can.

Any of you have or covet a particular baritone? Do tell...

Today's Post is Brought to You by the Letters F, E and A.

So Sesame Street is 40 years old.

Big deal.

Don't get me wrong. SS was a much-needed program when it appeared in 1969. But it became redundant in the 1990's, with the widespread use of cable TV and a host of alternative children's programming. But also, the new programs are designed for the attention-deficit kids of today. Try to watch Elmo and see if there's an unedited shot for more than 4 seconds. I may be showing my age, but I can get dizzy watching the new shows.

Compare that with this: 3 minutes of a 1 camera shot. And two of my favorite characters who have been banned by SS because they were deemed too "ethnic": Roosevelt Franklin and his Momma.

And when did everybody start seeing Snuffaluffagus anyway? He used to reside only in Big Bird's fevered imagination.

Monday, November 9, 2009

Cool New Contest

Enter the Booshman World Ukulele Contest, sponsored by low-budget Spiderman!

Sunday, November 8, 2009

I guess it was only a matter of time.

Now that I think about it, my wife never really had a chance. I picked up my (one and only) ukulele again after a few years of neglect right after we got married. I really haven't put it down since. And now, fast-forward to the present day where I own a few more than just one uke. And after I fell into the clutches of the infamous UCB.

Now what happens? My boy wanders out of our bedroom closet wearing my UCB hat. I thought I hid it well enough. As soon as he put it on, he got the look. You know that look. It's the look that AdelletheGreat gets during the chorus while singing a Dead tune. It's the look that Deach give you at the end of one of his blues videos. Well, I got that look from my boy that day.

He put it on again today.

My wife doesn't have a chance.

Saturday, November 7, 2009

Inner Beauty

On the tail of Russ' "like" post, I'd like you all to watch this video & be reminded that everything can be beautiful under the right circumstances.

Friday, November 6, 2009

I can haz "like"

it can't be all hate all the time. there are brief moments of "like" in between all the amazing body rockin' hategasms that happen 'round here. i mean, there's got to be some yin to the yang, some light to the dark, some ebony to the...oh you get the point. i was in the shower today, and not huddled up and crying in the corner like usual, but just contemplating the things in life that make me smile. there are so many great things in this world to appreciate, so much wonder and joy for us to behold, it's almost unbearable at times. you know, the kind of joy that makes you want to just gather up all your friends (and sheep if you got'em) and have one big group hug. mmmMMMMAhhhh (that's how you type out the sound of a hug right? no? well fuck you then).

so anyhow, here are some things that made me happy today:

1. a lady walking her dog in front of our house, picked up her dog's poop instead of just leaving it there on the sidewalk like an inconsiderate bitch. so darling

2. a man listening to raucous rap music in his POS hooptie did so at a volume that was inaudible by people on the street and the subwoofers didn't cause said hooptie to rattle like a shopping cart full of empty soda cans. what a delight

3. the clouds in the sky wept a bit, causing little drops of rain to fall and wash all the bird shit off of my car. joy be with you

so tell me lovely internet folk, what brought a smile to your face today?

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Did I Say That Outloud?

Yesterday at work we did a story about a police chase involving a bank robber nick-named the Fantasia bandit. He was called this because prior to his stint as a bank robber he was robbing adult video stores. When they caught the guy, the first thing I thought of was "I wonder what they find when they search his car?" without thinking, and in a crowded room, I said "I bet they find a black plastic-prosthetic-strap-on-fist in his trunk". A few people laughed, others looked at me in horror (maybe because we had a group of high schoolers here taking a tour at the time). Looking back on it, maybe it was a little over the top.

It's even a bigger problem in on-line conversations. I left a comment once on one of Baron's videos, and someone else replied to me saying how rude I was, and "if you don't like it, don't listen". Really? I don't even know how what I said was construed as offensive but apparently it was. I had a girlfriend once that lived a good 50 miles from me. We would chat on-line sometimes in the evening to save cell phone minutes. One time she was eating and said something about how she is getting fat. I replied with "yeah, you are huge". Of course I was joking. You can all see that right? She didn't get it, and we are no longer together.

It's hard to express kidding, or ribbing without the benefit of voice inflection, facial expressions, juvenile hand gestures, fake-sodomy-hip-thrusts, etc. Especially for idiots like me, who speak without thinking most of the time anyway.

It turns out the bank robber's last name was "Bearcub"....somehow I managed to keep the racial/gay jokes to myself. Maybe I'm learning. but to those who i piss off with my lame attempts at know....(insert some easily misunderstood offensive comment here).

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

I like this duo

With Russ's last post in mind, here's a ukulele earworm. Beirut'sPostcards from Italy has been covered by everybody and their mom, but this new addition to Youtube caught my ear. Mostly because the ukuleleist has a wonderful opening strum. But the rest is pretty awesome, too. Enjoy! And Russ, your wife is looking for you.

Earworm driving me nuckin futs!

so there have been many times of uncertainty in my life. you know those moments where you really have to sit and think about your feelings, wants, ambitions. this requires the kind of introspective thinking and self reflection that only a walk around a pond or wooded area with your hands clasped behind your back as you gaze thoughtfully at birds and shit can provide. deep thoughts, like should i be a shark or a jet? was i more attracted to Sandy before or after her Pink Ladies sluttification in Grease the movie? should i spend anymore money here in this strip club? So many questions unanswered.

so all that rambling leads me to my most recent question. when you get an earworm to an annoying song that you can't stand, does that mean you secretly like the song? i've often wondered how shitty songs have a way of embedding themselves in your head like so many parasitic wrath of khan brain worms and then have you humming along like a possessed retard. i mean just the other day, i heard some Colbie Caillet song on the radio, and i switched the station immediately, but the song kept going on in my head. i knew the goddamn melody! i had heard it somewhere before, maybe the mall, maybe at applebees, maybe this here strip club, but wherever it was, it was enough so that i know the melody and now it's been stuck in my head. so now i'm asking myself, do i really like this song? but it's not a Kelly Clarkson song, so i can't like it right? has anybody successfully removed an earworm with an icepick? earhole enema? shotgun blast?

ah f*ck my life, i'm going to go hum that song while i wash the dishes now.

The REAL "Bring the Song" Challenge

If you're not part of the Ukulele Underground forum or have totally avoided ukulele videos on Youtube, you don't know what the "Bring the Song" challenge is. But let's assume you do, or you at least checked out the link in this paragraph.

There must be over 300 songs written for GrumpyCoyoteTunes' challenge - and it started in February 2009! If I did my math correctly (and I probably didn't), this translates to almost 2 songs written every day since February 1. And there are many gems in this collection as well as some clunkers. I hope I've written at least one of the former and I KNOW I've written a few of the latter.

But the new challenge is - how are we going to choose 12 or so songs to include on the "Bring the Song" CD? By the end of the challenge on January 31, there will over 400 songs to pick from (half of them written by Deach). Voting for them individually would be asking too much of, well, everybody.

I think a possible solution is to have the songwriters pick their top 3 favorites of their songs. Then to put the voting on the UCB and UU web sites. But Grumpy may already have thought of a good idea on how to do this.


Monday, November 2, 2009

Long Live The Queen!

Of all the things that we get out of this ukulele thing, the greatest by far are the friends we make. And one of our own has a birthday today. So from all of us UCB boys, and the others who frequent this site, Have a Happy Happy Happy Happy Birthday Adelle. We love you.

Sunday, November 1, 2009

The E stands for Evil

I hate you E-bay.

I hate how when I load your site, you automatically put "great deals" on ukes right there in the window- pictures & all. Just wave em around in front of my nose... like fresh chocolate chip ukes, right outta the oven. "Mmmm don't these ukes look sooooo good? Free shipping! I know how you love free shipping!"

Ya know what? Scew you E-bay! Maybe I logged on to look for an electric pencil sharpener... or a, or a slightly used set of poker chips. Yeah! See, I was thinking with Christmas coming up I could get some good deals and...

Okay fuck you I was gonna look for ukes.