Saturday, May 22, 2010

I'm Waiting...

As the UWC rapidly approaches, we are all faced with decisions. What ukes should I bring? How much booze? What songs should I practice? Should I hump the Barons leg, or just french kiss him?

Seriously- meeting The Baron, for me, is going to be the highlight of the UWC. How could you not love this guy? How could his down n dirty, sultry, too many nights in a bar voice not make you swoon?

I always pictured Baron in my head as being really big- tall, solid- huge. Like a brick wall of ukulele smackdown- someone not to be fucked with. Okay honestly- that's not how I've always pictured him. There was a theory- born not solely from my mind, but with the help of another anonymous uke player ::cough:: Deach ::cough::- that the Baron was actually a half-man: that his body ended at his waist & he was legless. We only thought that for maybe, like six months- because all of his vids were shot from about there up, & the rest of him was never in frame. Of course that couldn't have meant he was simply adjusting the camera that way- obviously there had to be a bigger secret- such as "I have no legs". Eventually he did post a full body video, and we were forced to admit that perhaps, just perhaps, we had been exaggerating.

Was I heartbroken? No- I was happy. I'm glad The Baron has legs. I bet they're quite sexy. But it did initiate my second line of thought- which was that The Baron's probably some huge biker-esque guy that you would talk smack to until he stood up & then you'd immediately start calling him "Sir". But that theory has also been blown out of the water- by videos in which he stands next to other people & fails to dwarf them, and also by my almost-husband, who has had the pleasure of getting extremely drunk with The Baron on a few occasions while visiting Sweden.

I expressed my sadness to Russ in an email & without asking him first I'm going to quote his reply to me: "Baron is definitely not a tall Swede. but he could probably crush a lot of people if he tripped and rolled down a hill. A wee wrecking ball." (Russ-ism's are the best, aren't they?)

So Baron- I hope your liver is well rested & I hope you have some stain resistant pants. Because we are going to get you drunk & take advantage of you, oh yes.

16 comments:

Boozelele said...

I picture Baron as the ONE guy I who can keep up with me drinking. I love all you guys to death, but damn, in the drinking department, you guys are weak. Dont get me wrong, Russ is a blast to drink with, and bless his heart, at least he doesn't just quit. Grump is fun, but he doesn't try hard enough (he is all responsible, and mature and shit and knows when he's had enough). I haven't really had the chance to get shit-faced with Delly, though I want to. Deach can drink, but he too knows when to stop. I have to give Ben credit...he and I were drinking whisky in the hot-tub long after the rest of y'all were passed out.

If I am wrong correct me. Better yet, PROVE me wrong. I am looking forward to seeing everyone this year, and toasting y'all. And until I see otherwise, I am counting on the Baron to take one last shot with me while the rest of you are sleeping.

RussBuss said...

I'd like to introduce the Baron to some good ol' malt liquor. It's as American as apple pie (and just as tasty).

and +1 on humping the Baron's leg.

DearOldNutjob said...

Make sure you use protection. In this case, I guess it would be shin guards.

Sven Nyström said...

Oh guys, you're in for a treat! The only thing better than hanging out with the Baron, is drinking with the Baron! Since I first met him, my life has been brighter and better. One night he even drove the get away car when I was nicking some wood lying around...

Do not worry about his capacity for drinking either. Wish I could come along too.

Sven, Argapa Ukuleles

Adelle the Great said...

Booze: from what I've heard, he's your man. Also you & I shall indeed get shit faced together this time no matter what. Then I'm gonna make you try to remember all the words to Subterranean Homesick Blues with me (again). (Hey maybe one of us should learn how to play it before UWC) (Hey maybe that person should be you).

Don: I have the feeling I'm beginning to frighten you.

Russ: Should I pack some extra paper lunch bags in my car so we can be authentic?

DearOldNutjob said...

Naw, Adelle, I still love you. Just want you to practice safe...whatever.

B120ryantScipio1 said...

要持續更新下去喲!!祝你心情愉快.............................................

Baron said...

Aw Adelle that's so sweet of you to say! A whole UCB post just dedicated to me!

I'm really looking forward to meeting you too - I tried to french kiss Justin just to get a taste of you. And I will indeed be offended if you don't hump my leg. After all you are responsible of pulling me into all this madness - and I am greatful for that!

I'm sorry if my height will disappoint you - I'm no taller than your man, but if it's any comfort I weight like a much taller man. (And Russ: I will have a serious talk with you about that wrecking ball joke... Deach, will you help me hold him during my reprimand?).

My legs are made of titanium and I have been very happy since I got them. Before that I was, like Deach rightly said, half a man. I do think they are pretty sexy when they're polished. Just hope they let me bring them on to the plane...

I hope I keep up with you all drinking-wise, but I am a bit afraid that I'll be so jetlagged I will fall a sleep after a wine cooler... (when its midnight in IN it's 7 in the morning i Sweden)

Seriously I'm so excited to go and that I will be seeing you all in just 10 days! I can hardly believe it. It's gonna be awesome!

To quote a stupid song from a lame band: Let's get retarded!

Lots of kisses on all your pink parts
The Baron

DeG said...

My son gave me direct orders that I have to shake Baron's hand and thank him profusely for teaching him how to play Norwegian Wood on the mandolin. I told him he should come with me and thank him himself, but he said something about hanging out with a bunch of geezers and their little guitars for a weekend didn't sound like fun to him.

sheez...kids these days.

UKISOCIETY said...

I was hoping Baron would take advantage of me.

Baron said...

Alan: Thy wish shalt be granted.

RussBuss said...

watch out for those wee wrecking ballz Alan!

benmealer said...

Yay, Baron and his shiny titanum knees. I'm so exited. Adelle, Allen, Russ... don't be nasty.

Adelle the Great said...

Then what are we supposed to do, Ben? We have reputations to uphold...

Adelle the Great said...

Baron: I had to tell you the legless/ wrecking ball stuff before I got really trashed with you & told you in person ;p Your height doesn't disappoint me at all! See, it's just that you're so awesome you grew to giant proportions in my mind.

Baron said...

@Adelle: Aw you sweet talker you! I'm just afraid that after the uwc I'll be a dwarf to you, just like Russ is.

@Ben: I want em nasty - otherwise I'll be the only nasty one there! You can't keep a good tourette-person down!

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