So... you've seen these Herpes commercials, right? The ones where there's a couple standing together; he's got his arm around her & they're in a park, I think... they look like they're selling LL Bean clothing but then she says something like "Being careful is important to me... because I have genital herpes." and she looks up at him with this goofy "Whooops!" kind of face... like she just said something waaay less important, like "I locked the keys in the car- huh huh! I'm a fucking idiot!" except it's herpes... which I tend to take pretty seriously. Keep a straight fucking face when you talk to me about herpes, okay? Especially when my arms around you. Bitch.
So then the guy says "And I don't" & smiles real confident like. The voice over begins "Talk to your doctor blah blah blah..." and maybe at this point they go off riding their bikes on a tree canopied trail, or they jump into a hammock all giddy like in slow motion.... I don't know, you get the idea.
But what SHOULD happen...
"Because I have genital herpes..."
"What?! You fucking skank!"; throws his arm off of her, pushes her away in complete disgust.
"Robert, I..." & she reaches for him...
"Don't fucking touch me, you whore! You herpes whore! Jesus..." and he starts pacing & rubbing his forehead... "I took you home to meet my parents! When were you planning on telling me this?!"
Or there are the solo herpes commercials... just some chick standing watering her garden or something... she looks up at the camera & begins her story... "Living with genital herpes means..."
Then some guy yells out "Whore!"
She looks back, flustered, and begins again... "Living with genital herpes..."
Looks over her shoulder "... means that..."
"Alright, ya know what? That is NOT funny... fuck this commercial.." hands over the camera lens...