Friday, December 3, 2010

Does this hat make me look like a tool?



Answer: Yes.

There is regular chatter in the "uke community" about hats. Specifically pork-pie, fedoras, trilbies and the like. I'm not sure why, but something about "quirky" hats appeals to the same types of folks that are attracted to the ukulele.

Sadly, there are very few people who can pull off a hat without looking like a douche-nozzle. Howling Hobbit, Craig Robertson, Aldrine G - these guys can rock a hat. It just works.

But here's the thing. Because guys like the ones I listed can pull it off - there are others who think "maybe I can get away with it..." If you find yourself asking this question, allow me to assist you and save us all some embarrassment. No. You can't rock a hat. You will look like a smacked-ass tool-bag, etc... - in short, a pretentious moron.

You see my friends, cool is self-evident. You can't make it happen. Unless you are already pretty cool, a quirky hat will only amplify your lame. For that matter - most everyone looks idiotic in a pretentious hat. It's very unlikely that the strength of your charisma will overcome that. Particularly because it's unlikely that you have any charisma to begin with.

I confess, I've been tempted to try a greek fisherman's cap, or maybe an old fashioned Springsteen-in-the-70's newsboy cap... I understand the urge. Trust me, it'll just be inconsiderate of those who don't want to hurt your feelings. Don't put them in that position.

Hope this saves you some time, and more importantly, saves me from having to tell you that you look like you are wearing a bad Yogi bear costume.

7 comments:

RussBuss said...

"amplify your lame", haha just excellent. i was at Target recently and they had stacks of those hats next to their "vintage" print t-shirts. that should be a warning sign to all hipsters out there. boozelle's hero Nancy Reagan said it best, "Just Say No".

RussBuss said...

addendum: not that being "Target cool" isn't cool. i love wearing my Hanes sweatpants with my Spalding tennis shoes while snacking on Archer Farms cookies. true story...

UKISOCIETY said...

My goal with any hat I wear is to look as idiotic as possible. I think I've pulled it off so far.

Boozelele said...

Another guy that can rock a hat is Bosko. But yeah, nothing says douche like the hats pictured above...I wonder if that's where the term "ass-hat" came from...

DeG said...

Mraz. 'nuff said.

benmealer said...

git em' grumps! that's why i only wear caps.

Grumpy Coyote said...

Ben, you can rock a cap, a hat, and me... All night long.

You got enough cool to export to less cool places... Like Nebraska.

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