Monday, February 28, 2011

Charlie Sheen can handle it....

So we all appreciate an adult beverage every now and then right?  Then there are those who can enjoy a little "puff puff" while listening to their old records, be they classic Skynyrd or the Osmond Family Anthology. Nothing wrong with that.

Can we all agree that crystal meth is just not a good idea? I mean it is possible to use even the most harshest of substances in moderation but some drugs are just not a good idea. I just saw a National Geographic document on crystal meth and it was about as freaky as one of those Scared Straight programs they used to show at school (with a little less rape threats and prison bitch bartering).

And then there's coked out Charlie Sheen. He's kind of the poster boy for functioning drug addicts in that he's been a hot mess in his private life but has been able to work for a long long time (i know, i know, until "now"). Perhaps it helps that he has plenty of money to support such a habit. A mansion is a pretty swell place to enjoy hookers, blow, and whatever ball-stepping, golden shower, IKEA furniture demolition fetishes he may be into. Good for him, I guess? I can think of worse ways to burn your money, model trains come to mind.

(Oh yeah, and yes, I agree that the crew of Two and a Half Men are getting a raw deal while Charlie Sheen gets his shit together but that's not the point of this post.)

So what about the recent fascination with energy drinks? I remember when Red Bull was one of the only energy drinks around. Sure, it tastes like sweetened pee (don't ask) but it helps you stay awake to study for that calculus exam or drive your Hyundai to Tijuana. I was never a big fan of Red Bull or it's lame douchebaggy cousin "Red Bull and Vodka", but I can see how it can be useful to some people who need it. But now, there are so many brands of energy drinks on the shelf including the infamous Four Loko, which I have never tried, although I can only imagine it being similar to smoking crack on the 72nd hour of your bender. With names like Rockstar, Monster, RELOAD (yes, all caps), Bawls, Shark Stimulation, Crunk, there is no shortage of not-so-cleverly named liquid crack beverages available in your local 7-11. One of my favorites that I've seen is MAD DOG Energy Lemonade. That gives me an image of little kids selling lemonade on their front lawn decked out in Ed Hardy t-shirts and kiddy 'roid rage.

Well at least we have the classy original, Red Bull. No need for monster trucks and pyrotechnics to sell that right? Until now...



"Drink Red Bull. You too can be an insane murderous tranny Zebra, Yee Haw!!!"

7 comments:

Little 6ster said...

BuRPS... oh GOSH..., Ooops...sorry!

The chosen one said...

Red Bull gives me heart burn. Meth doesn't.

DeG said...

Latest Charlie Sheen quote: "I wanna RELOAD my Monster Rockstar Bawls with some Shark Stimulation!!"

Product placement, have you no soul?

Boozelele said...

I wanna party with Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan.....that would be cool...the only thing cooler would be if Charlie Sheen wasn't there.

Baron said...

Bah, a little chrystal meth never killed anyone!

Actually I'm not a big fan of drugs, but I do enjoy my speedball after a nice family dinner or - on more special occasions - chasing that blue dragon out of the ol' glass pipe. Those little things in life....

Grumpy Coyote said...

Bawls.

alexnolet said...

im really surprised chris crocker hasnt made a "leave brittney alone" video for charlie sheen. that would be the shit...."LEAVE CHARLIEE ALOONE" lol.

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