Monday, November 16, 2009

I've Got Your Ear-Worm Right Here

A couple weeks ago Russell blogged about the pain of getting some lame-ass song stuck in your head. We’ve all had it happen to us. Usually it’s some inane pop hit like “Oops I Did It Again” or “Living La Vida Loca”. I started thinking about this dilemma and wondered what would be the worst song to get stuck in your head? I remember a news story once of a guy who rolled his car into the ditch, and was trapped for 48 hours before he was found. When they finally came and pulled him out, they asked him what the hardest part of the ordeal was. He said it wasn’t the lack of food or water, it was that Wham was in his tape deck on auto-reverse and he had to listen to it over and over again till his battery mercifully died 36 hours after the accident. Can you imagine “Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go” for 36 hours? Seriously, put a bullet in my head before you go-go.

So this leads to the question; What is the “worst” song ever? Now I realize there are different genres of music, so for arguments sake lets say rock/pop music. The list has been compiled several times by various media outlets including VH1 and USA Today. And although there are some differences between each list, there are also some common songs. Here are some that always seem to make the top (or in this case-bottom) ten:

I'm Too Sexy - Right Said Fred
Every Body Have Fun Tonight – Wang Chung
Achy Breaky Heart – Billy Ray Montana-Cyrus
Heart of Rock n Roll – Huey Lewis
Don’t Worry Be Happy – Bobby McFucking Shoot-Me
Ice Ice Baby – Vanilla Douche Bag

But the song that consistently makes the #1 worst song is “We Built This City” by Starship. Starship? Who the fuck is Starship? No relation to Jefferson Starship, right? And what city? San Francisco? None of you were even in the band! Ok Grace Slick was, but for f’s sake….. The city was built on a lot of things, not the least of which is the San Andreas Fault…but you dorks didn’t build shit. Wait though is this really the "worst" song ever? I would rank any of the ones listed above as worse...oh and remember that lame-ass Eddy Murphy song?

Ok…I feel better now.


Mugambismonkey said...

Oh yeah, Wham is pure evil!! There is one song I hate in particular, which is "Last Christmas"! Every f.....g year they play it again and again on the radio and merely "thinking" about the fact that it will happen again next month, gives me shivers of hate and frustration! Aaaargh!!!

UkeNinja said...

That's cow manure, man. Although that particular song is not a highlight of Bobby's career, and part of that is due to the evil disaster that is hit radio, that man can sing.

Ah, and to seal my fate: Robert van Winkle is a mean dude.


What is worse is a a SAD song that is also a BAD song. Consider:
"Now looking back over the years
And whatever else that appears
I remember I cried when my father died
Never wishing to hide the tears
And at sixty-five years old
My mother, God rest her soul,
Couldn’t understand why the only man
She had ever loved had been taken
Leaving her to start with a heart so badly broken
Despite encouragement from me
No words were ever spoken
And when she passed away
I cried and cried all day
Alone again, naturally
Alone again, naturally"

Wait a sec while I slit my wrists...

Adelle the Great said...

God IS fair & just! He totally punished that guy for owning a Wham tape.

RussBuss said...

i got your wang chung right here!

ahhh, that list plays like the soundtrack to my life.

Grumpy Coyote said...

Seriously - it's like you raided Russ' cassette collection for that list.

For me it's the ones that you can only remember half of the hook (or less)... so it's like just a bar or two get stuck in your head. You have no way to resolve the melody so it just repeats endlessly.

I'll add,

500 miles - by those two Scottish freaks.

Whatever that fucking Celine Dion song was from Titanic.

My Perogotive - Bobby Brown. This one got me so bad that I had to memorize the lyric before it would leave me alone.

Every fucking song Rob Thomas/Matchbox Twenty ever made.

And I'll say - Fucking U2. Every song that prick Bono every made is exactly like this. Sticky earworm larvae that will not stop.

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