Generic Hate Bacon (open thread)

If you have comments unrelated to previous posts, random bitches, and/or miscellaneous ramblings, leave them here....I'll start....

New YT Discovery

Allow me to introduce to you FannyFanlight on Youtube. She is a new Youtoober, but her 3 ukulele covers are awesomely sublime. Here's my favorite of the three:

Dream Job

Is there such a thing as a "dream job" for me? If by job you mean not-job & by dream you're implying that I'm still in bed & it's 10am...

I used to think that working in a record store would be the coolest job in the world. Surrounded by music & instruments... able to listen to anything you want but don't have to buy it... maybe get free promotional stuff that comes through- like big card board cut outs & album release posters. Spending all day amidst your passion... how awesome!

But then I went to a record store.

I'm standing there, the only customer, coveting a Little Feat box set, convincing myself not to buy it... and in walks this guy:

Okay, so that's not ACTUALLY the guy... but it may as well have been! There are a million of these douche bags walking the streets. He comes in & walks up & down the CD aisles for maybe 2 minutes then goes up to the clerk & says "Where's Green Day?"

"We keep it under... G." Way to go, sales guy! Couldn't have replied any more sarcastically myself... well, besides maybe something like "I'm sorry, we only sell music here." or "We keep those in the bathroom." but then I probably would've got fired.

See, that's why working in a record store wouldn't be quite as cool as it sounds at first. You'd have to spend yr day talking to guys with tribal tattoos about really really bad music. You would have to become somewhat versed in really really bad music, so that you could have those conversations. ::shudder:: Someone could potentially come in one day & say to you "Do you have The Best of Journey?" & you would have to give them a serious reply. You might actually have to hold an Alanis Morisette album in your hands at some point, for crying out loud!

I couldn't do it.

I hate Green Day, and guys with tribal tattoos. I can't work in a record store, at least I wouldn't be able to keep a job at one for long... "Adelle, did you move all the Celine Dion CDs to the letter H section?" "Well, H for horrible..." "And are you responsible for the black marker mustache & funny glasses on the Miley Cyrus poster...?"

Why Can't We Just Party?

Are there any really good ukulele festivals? If there are, someone needs to compile a list. I mean where are the “Carnivals, or Mardi Gras’, or Oktoberfests” of uke festivals? I know there was a big one in Napa not long ago at a winery. There was one in Eugene, Oregon a couple weeks ago called Uketoberfest- But Im pretty sure everyone DIDN'T sit around long tables in their lederhosen playing their Brukos, while hot St. Pauly Girl waitresses served up liters of beer. So where are the really good ones? Are all uke festivals the same and are they all lame?

Ukulele World Congress was everything a uke festival should be. There were no seminars, no lessons, no classes at all. There were no tickets and no ticket takers. And because there were no tickets, there were no gates, no fences, and no security. You couldn’t buy a sandwich, bottled water or soda. There were no venders of any kind. There were no beer gardens, no roped off sections for the over 21 crowd, no alcohol for sale at all. There were no reservations, no sign-ups, and no waiting lists. It was the perfect uke party. It reminded me of those parties we used to have in high school. They were spread by word of mouth, usually located in a field somewhere, or down by the river. Just show up and pitch in a couple bucks for beer, and you were guaranteed a good time (as long as the cops didn’t show up). You slept wherever you passed out. I would venture to guess that the Milwaukee Ukulele Festival, or the Oklahoma City Ukulele Meet-up, isn’t anything like this.

It’s too bad there can’t be more like the UWC. Maybe there are. I mean two or three times a year would be enough. Indiana in June and say somewhere in the Deep South in January or November. Who will take on this challenge? Anyone? If only Mike would buy a nice piece of property along the Gulf Coast…

Thanx There Deachlilah

so this is about a month late, but deach sent me some goodies for my birthday last month and i'm finally getting around to making the "thank you" video. i would have done it sooner but the Ebm7 chord was bustin' my ballz and the complicated strumming pattern eluded me for weeks. anyway, i got a cool Tripping Lily CD, some hate bacon mugs, and one of those fancy musical greeting cardz (see video).

deach's card reminded me of this video i favorited over a year ago from one of my youtube heroes Gio (thingsBIGthe) from NYC. i give him major props for sitting through 100 covers of one of the shittiest songs ever.

Sound of the Shell

Have you seen her videos yet? Here's her latest. I thought that this one was appropriate, what with the Krabbers-like hat. So until Krabbers resurfaces, here this gal:

But... there are some cases where I do feel subbing would at least be the polite thing to do. So, I've compiled a list. It's called...
People Who Should Sub Me But Don't

1. Tab Parasites:
If you randomly leave a comment on one of my vidoes, I don't expect a sub. However, if you randomly leave a comment on my video requesting tab for the song I'm playing... then yeah, I'd like a sub. Not to increase the numbers- but if you expect me to take the time to figure out where I found the chords for that partiuclar song, and then email them to you... I'd like you to put forth the minimal effort of hitting "subscribe". Especially the people that don't comment, but go to the trouble of sending an email to ask you for the tab.. those d-bags. I'm tempted to write back "Ya know... if we were to combine the time it took you to write to me, and the time you're spending reading this, you could have found the tab on your own by now." It's just respectful I think, to sub someone if you're asking them to do a favor for you. Am I being too harsh?

2. Friendzz:
If you request my interwebz friendship through another site that I'm pretty sure we all frequent on a regular basis that I shalt not name... let's just call it New Whaley Thunder Hound... then you should sub me. It's not like Youtube... the scale is incredibly smaller- you know who you're asking on there. Random youtube friend requests? I don't expect a sub from them. But if we're intouch outside of Youtube, if you wanna be my "friend"... then, yeah. Not for a sub number, but because in actual friendship this would be the thing to do.

3. Phantom Listeners:
I know I said it's not about the numbers... and it's not, I swear. But sometimes... it's a little bit about the numbers. I get people that watch my vids on a regular basis, comment, email me.... but no sub. Sometimes it's users with no vids up of their own, & no subscriptions at all... typically older folks who don't really understand how youtube works. I can see that. Other times I just can't figure out why- why don't you sub me?! ::sob:: You've commented 4 of my last 5 vids... why?!

4. People I've freaking played music with:
Yes, to my dismay... there are 2 different folks I did duets with who didn't sub me. Both have come around now, and I'm not naming names... but it was really a wtf thing.

/end whine list

Sub for a sub is ridonkulous. I don't do it, I don't expect it. Next!

Waverly's F-Hole Concert Ukes

I'm liking the look of these from Waverly Street. I'm not crazy about the Fender-style headstock, but other than that, they look fantastic.

Anyone play any of Dave's ( I think it's Dave) other instruments?

A Gift for you - Hate bacon for me

Now that I'm the father of a 2 and 1/2 year old, my level of cynicism has dropped dramatically. I see the world a bit more through his eyes - young and innocent. And that's why I can sit through an episode of "Bob the Builder" and not make any satirical remarks. I see the astonishment and wonder in his eyes regarding his new discoveries - whether it's his first hearing of an owl hoot or watching "Baby Signing Time" for the 800th frickin' time. I actually rejoice at every moment a smile appears on his face.

But I'll be danged to heck before I ever show him this. Enjoy!:

Where No One Has Gone Before

I remember when it all started. It’s been almost two years now. We were all so young and innocent. So full of hope and promise. There were really only a “handful” of people posting ukulele videos on youtube. I remember seeing mercedezzz version of ‘I Will Survive’ on banjo uke and thinking to myself how cool that was. Hell, I could do that! I know a ton of old songs that I could cover on the ukulele, and be just as cool as her! (at the time it didn’t even occur to me that she has more talent in her little finger nail than I have in my whole body, or will ever have for that matter). So I bought a banjo uke and did a lame cover of ‘Black Peter’ by the Grateful Dead. It sucked. But it didn’t matter. No one else had done it. There was nothing else to compare me to. I was breaking new ground. I was the Meriwether Lewis, the Earnest Shackleton, the Sir Edmond Hillary of the banjo uke. A week later I bought a Fluke and started covering just about any old tune I could think of. Again, I was the Christopher Columbus the Robin Knox Johnston, the James T. Kirk of the ukulele.

But now it’s all been done. Now whenever I think of a song to cover, I do a youtube search to see if it has already been covered. Usually it has. Even really obscure songs are used up. (I spent seven weeks learning “Overture" from "Tommy” by The Who, only to find out it has been done on the uke. Really? Tommy? Are you fucking kidding me?) A lot of the time the song I want to do has been done by someone I know. This is where things get really complicated. I am left asking myself; should I do it anyway? Should I cover it again? Do I give them credit in the sidebar? Do I post it as a video response? I surely don’t want to look like I am trying to “out-do” them (not like I could). What is the protocol here? Damn it, it used to be so easy.

We all know what UAS is, but...

I realize that self diagnosis' aren't always correct... but I believe I am this time. I know we all joke around about having UAS & that's all well & good... but guys... I just discovered... I have something reffered to as 'UKS'.

I'm sure you're wondering what that is, how I came to realize I'm a likely sufferer, what it means for my future. I'm wondering that one myself. The only thing I'm entirely certain of is that you guys will support me & help me work through it- and that means an awful lot to me.

Okay fish hook! Fish hook! Pull it out yo mouth! UKS- Ukulele Keeping Syndrome. I cannot- CANNOT- imagine parting with a single one of my ukes under any circumstances. Is that wrong? Am I greedy?

I collect a loooot of things. Since it's not empty toothpaste tubes or toe nail clippings, or cats- I don't consider myself weird or a "hoarder". But oh, I do love my things. And I'll be damned if I'm gonna give em up. I can't even give away paperback books I read.... a uke? Pffft. Sorry. I'd have to be reeeallly high & you'd have to be reeaeallly convincing.

At the UWC there was this little boy who wanted a uke & he was Deached one by Deach after Boozelle got all fucking soft watching the kid strum one. That's probably the only moment in time when I would have outright given my own uke away without hesitation or morning regret. But, it passed. The kid got a uke & I didn't have to give mine up & the universe continues in harmony. Booze is still going to hell, but he at least now has one line on the "good" side of the chalkboard of his soul.

If I was broke, selling a uke wouldn't even cross my mind. I would live on the streets with them.

*Giving someone a uke is different. Buying one to give them- I would totally do that. I think too that if one was passed on to me from someone else, and it was done with that wording "I'm passing this on to you", I would be able to pass that one on again. But as for the ones I've picked out & bought, & especially the ones that were given to me by Deach... I could never part with those.

I'm having a contest- the video announcing it will be posted Sunday night sometime. Guess what you win? Not a fucking ukulele! This is how I realized I have UKS. I have a concert Lanikai that I haven't touched in... well... since I got the Adelle fluke. The thought of giving it away made my heart break. It was the first uke I bought, my sole instrument for a long time on which many an original song was written. The fact that I haven't played it in forever probably leads to the logical conclusion that it would be okay to give it away to someone who actually would play it. I'm sorry. Think whatever you will of me- I can't do it. Yes I would love to give the gift of music to someone.... but I can't part with my ukes. That's honestly the only one I don't play at least once a week, and I just can't do it. It sits proudly in it's stand in my living room. I don't have to play it... it knows I still love it. We had some really great times together- wrote a lot of songs. We played I Kissed a Girl together & unveiled Deachs face to the world- plus really got to know Russ, Booze & Alan in the process. We played I Don't Like Mondays for someone I vaguely called "Grumpy Coyote Man". We's tight.

So I'll save up to build an addition on the house. Maybe I'll get a big Scrooge McDuck room where I can roll around in my ukes. Maybe someday I'll have so many there will be one in both bathrooms- a uke hanger next to the TP holder. I love ya- I want you to be inspired- I want you to play... but ::hugging uke semi-defensivly::

Think what you will. Think I'm greedy, selfish, stingy. What-ev. You can't deny I love my ukes, though. And I can't deny I'm slightly crazy ;p

'Scuse Me, Do I Know You?

Someone clue me in. What is the point of sending out friend requests on youtube to anonymous users? I get these all the time. Usually they are from musicians. I never understood this (of course I have never given it much thought either) Do you get an award for having the most “friends”? And just to be clear, I don’t really like most of my real friends. Why the hell would I want to be “friends” with random a-holes on youtube? I guess if I did think about it, I would assume it is either for the ability to send out new videos to all your “friends” and garner more views, or to get people to visit your channel out of curiosity and hope they subscribe. Either way, it is fishing for unwarranted attention. I generally have a policy of immediately denying these bogus friend requests. Maybe one of you can give me a valid reason to change my policy. And maybe you random a-holes can give me a valid reason to accept you as my “friend” (and just so you know it will probably take more than being a cute Asian girl with boobs).

P.S. I did notice another UCBer got hit with the same friend request, and accepted it. Can you guess who it was?

ADDENDUM: Now that I am awake I want to clarify the above post. The girl in the picture with the boobs is also very talented, and perhaps I would have subbed her had I found her videos on my own. I did not mean to flame her specifically, but I DID mean to flame the annonymous friend requesters aS a group. -TCASI

Don't you even dare!

Don't you dare post a thread here begging for votes. Don't even think about it. You know who you are.

My Apathy Can Kick Your Empathys Ass!

Sometimes it's just the abbreviated drunk yelling "This is MY SONG!!"

Other times they speak for so long my ears start to bleed. "OMG I looove this song! It's like they wrote it about my life! No, seriously- it's just like me & my friends & my life!! It's like they were with us when they wrote it."

No.



If whatever band you are currently referencing ever hung out with you & your friends... the only thing they'd likely write would be a will, or a suicide letter. If they did write a song about you, it would be entitled something like 'This Dumbass Thinks He's Cool' or 'Captain Lame-O & His Gang of Rectal Engineers'.

I'm just sayin ::batting eye lashes innocently::

A well written song can be understood & related to by a diverse group of people. It's kept mostly vague enough that it can be interpreted into the listeners life. Bob Dylan was really good at that. Did you know that 90% of females feel that 'Just Like a Woman' is about them? He was great at longing songs & lost love songs too... but I won't ramble.

A good song makes you feel something. It's great that you empathize with this one. Tell me it reminds me of your life. Tell me you understand what they mean. But quit being so darn babbly & cutesy & literal about it. Don't gush on me.... it's icky. You really don't have to say anything except "I love this song" to make me realize you identify with it. And honestly, the less you say the more willing & interested I'd be to listen... cause when you really want someone to listen to a song that has deeply moved you, you shut the fuck up so they can listen to it. If you're still talking, you obviously are more interested in telling me about your life by ways of how this song to relates to it rather than bringing a piece of music to me. So shush. And I'm changing the CD.

Jake's Kiss of Death

Okay, so Jake Shimabukuro is playing a show in SF tonight. He's an absolutely amazing ukulele player, just not somebody i'd pay to go out and see (that is unless he starts covering Journey or Kelly Clarkson songs. then count me in for front row tix).

Here's my warning to you young ukulele enthusiasts going to the show tonight. If you really must have something autographed by him, please let it be your piece of shit wall-hanger uke, or a CD, or a napkin from your glove compartment. Just don't bring your primary uke to have it signed. Here are some reasons:

1. It's not going to be worth more if you have it signed. Everybody and their mothers have gotten their ukes signed by him. It's not unique anymore. In fact, it'll probably be worth less if you ever try to sell it.

2. If you get it signed, then you're gonna start a thread on a uke forum asking how to protect that signature. Fuck that! Just play the damn thing like it was meant to be played. Don't hang it on the wall never to be played again because you're scared your grubby little forearm will rub off the signature.

3. Isn't the gratuitous photo of you and Jake throwing up the "shaka" memorable enough? Come on now, leave the uke alone!

And don't get me wrong. There's nothing wrong with being a superfan. I mean shit, I'm in love with Aldrine Guerrero, and I don't mean in a platonic way. I mean in a legal Massachusetts wedding with white doves and rainbow tablecloths kinda way (relax, i'm kidding! i would need rainbow doves as well).

So yeah, go ahead and get something signed by Jake. that $10 tourist uke, a DVD of Cool Runnings, your furry chest, etc. Just don't let it be your primary uke. That's for you to play and enjoy. Don't let a signature ruin it for you.

Mexicans, Chow Mien, and Led Zeppelin

Like Adelle my brain often works overtime. I’m not saying that when it works it works constructively. I’m often just thinking of stupid little things to amuse myself. And here are a couple of those things…

Yuke-oo-lay-lee or Ook-oo-lay-lay? This is often discussed and frankly, who gives a shit? I don’t…except when it’s abbreviated. Uke sounds a lot better to me than Ook. “I bought a new ook. Hand me my ook. I have ‘an’ ook.” It sounds like something really disgusting to me. “I used to go out with her, but she turned out to be a total ook”. “I was walking barefoot in the yard and stepped in a big pile of ook.” ”Don’t eat at that Chinese restaurant down the street, I found an ook in my chow mien.”

Arguably the most popular ukulele strings are Aquila. But how do you pronounce “Aquila”? L’Aquila is a town in Italy pronounced La kwilla. I’ve heard Ken Middleton pronounce it this way. I say a-key-la, because there is a city in Mexico named Aquila, and I am 3/4 Mexican. Some people use the gangsta pronunciation a-killah. Like “I’m a killa”. Ukisociety says Ahh-kwila. Like the Jethro Tull song.

Speaking of Jethro Tull, here is today’s trivia: Everyone knows that The Beatles are the greatest band to ever live. But did you know that Led Zeppelin is second? Followed closely by The Who? When you get to four through ten it’s not nearly as cut and dry. Most people put The Rolling Stones in there, but did you know that they aren’t even in the top ten? It’s true.

Bend Over Like Beckham

We have this coffee table book called "What Would Satan Do?", and it's full of wonderfully tasteless cartoons. When the UkuleleUnderground guys were over here a few weekends ago, Aaron came across this particular cartoon that reminded us of our favorite soccer mom.

Uncanny, right?

I Bought A New Uke Today!

I know you are asking yourself “why the hell is he posting this? We are all sick of random ‘I got a new uke’ posts. Like any one gives a sh*t.” Well this one is different. It’s a Mainland….

What? Everyone has a Mainland! Yes, I know, that is precisely the reason this is different. I DON’T have a Mainland. Most of us have known Mike (HoosierHiver) since back when he worked at Bushman. I own a Bushman because Mike worked there. Not long after he sold me a Bushman Cedar Tone Tenor, I remember him sending me an email telling me about his idea for a new company. At the time I thought Bushman was going out of business (they couldn’t keep any ukes in stock, and seemed to just stop answering the phones) and I also thought that Mike was gaining ownership of Bushman (of course that wasn’t the case. In fact to be clear, he never indicated any of that to me, he only said he had some “things” he couldn’t talk about). I have to say, at the time I was jealous. I couldn’t help but think “damn it, if Bushman is going out of business, I want it. Not just one Bushman ukulele, but the whole damned company. I always thought that Bushman was a success story just waiting to happen. There is only one thing standing in the way of it becoming the next Kala, or Ohana; and that one thing is good management. It takes real talent to take a company like Bushman and run it into the dirt. But that’s exactly what happened (and continues to happen). And perhaps the biggest mistake that Bushman ever made, was severing ties with HH. Not only did they lose a great guy, and a great representative, but they created a competitor that they literally can NOT compete with.

Now to my new ukulele… Mike has always treated me well, even when he was representing that other company. When he ventured out on his own I wanted to support him. For one reason or another I never could. Luckily the success of his company did not rest on whether or not I bought from him. It turns out that I wasn’t the only one who trusted him and supported his endeavor. So a year later, Mike’s little company is going gang-busters. And finally I can support him in my own tiny way. And so that is why I can say proudly “I bought a new uke today”.

apples rule, oranges drool...

so lets say i'm an apple enthusiast. i just love eating apples and everything about them, sliced apples, apple pie, apple sauce, apple juice, apple on the cob, candied apples, apple flavored lube, etc. because i like apples, would it sound stupid if i were to say that oranges suck because they are difficult to eat? you know, the skin is inedible, seeds are a bitch to remove, you get orange gunk in your fingernails when trying to peel them.

a little silly right?

okay now lets say i'm a ukulele enthusiast. does that make guitars "icky"? you know, too many strings, too big, steel strings are hurty on my delicate string cheese fingers, etc. i've seen it here and there in ukulele forums but i just find it ridiculous when people go all anti-guitar when they pick up the uke. is that really necessary? they are different instruments and both have their good and bad points. the mutual bad points being they are both douchebag magnets. see case in point.

so anyway, where is the love for our 6 stringed cousin? they are fun to play too, aren't they? why is it that a uker who picks up a guitar is seen as "going to the dark side"?

i'm going to go strum my baritone zither now and pout. pout out loud!

RABUAD: Rockers Against Boozelele Uking And Driving

I'm not sure, but I think this guy is protesting Boozelele driving while uking.

I Guess I Asked For It

I don't know what I was thinking when I replied to this thread on UU. The whole damned driving while playing thing had been put to bed. But in my defense, someone brought it up, and then there was a reference to how precious Victoria Vox is, and I felt dissed I guess. So I linked my video (which incidentally I was very proud of - I usually don't put anywhere near that much effort into a video). Almost immediately I start getting the hate-bacon served up to me, hot and crisp. But I will refrain from adding fuel to the fire...I will let it go....really...I'm not going to comment anymore....seriously....(at least I'll try)

No Ukes were Harmed in the Making of This Blog

Why can't I sleep? Because my brain is too damn active... pondering great mysteries. No uke content here... I was gonna apologize for going off topic but after Al posted a furry vid I figure we don't have a topic to stray from.

Random Thoughts from the land of Ukulele Delly:

Just because you can get into the pants, doesn't mean they fit you.

Has anyone ever said "Hey! Check out that Bulgarian chick! She is HOT!"?

As my best friends, I trust that one of you will immediately clear my computer history if I die unexpectadly.

If a piano player is a pianist, wouldn't a race car driver be a racist?

Ko'olau needs to drop Pono

I do a lot of really dumb things. Fun, but dumb. Even though I've seen some really poor quality Pono's, when I saw a Tenor Ko'olau Pineapple uke on ebay, I had to get it. I was really sweating this purchase and wondering if the mother company of Pono had better quality control of their own products.

Today the uke came. I looked all over this uke and could not find one flaw. (with the exception of Aquila strings, although Ko'olau Golds were supposed to be on the uke) I studied and studied the uke and couldn't find one stinking flaw, not a drop of excess glue, no dents, dings or scratches, not even one speck of mouse fart. The frets are smooth, the finish perfect, the tuners smooth blah blah blah blah blah.

I'm glad I took a chance and decided to buy it despite my experiences with Ponos. Ko'olau needs to drop Pono or increase the quality control of Pono's ukes.

Thanks Big Daddy D...

I'm not sure if the following story is exactly what happened, but it's how my hangover let me remember it....

So there we sat in San Francisco. Almost all of the UCB in one place for the first time since the UWC ("Where's Alan?" is another post...). All happy as clams eating a big greasy breakfast together. Deach was sitting across the table from me.

When the waiter brought the meals, there was an extra side of bacon for D. I didn't think much of it until Deach pushed it across the table to me. I blinked at him, confused. For 20+ years I've been a vegetarian. Deach knows this. He nudged the little pile of aromatic piggie a bit closer.

"What's this?" I asked.

"Side of bacon for you to smell..." he replied. "Maybe you or the other veggie will want some." He shruged at Adelle.

"So, you bought us..." I hesitated, not sure of what to call it - "you bought us... hate bacon?"

Deach smiled that Big Daddy Devil grin he has, "Hate Bacon indeed..." The name stuck.

Yesterday I received a package in the mail from none other than Deach - This is what was inside (Baconaise for dramatic presentation purposes - not included)...

Thanks mi amigo... I almost made a video of opening it, but that's been done to death.

Dusty Strings really doesn't help my IAS

Just some pictures for the most part. My favorite music store, Dusty Strings, in Seattle...

Only about 1/2 of the wall-o-ukes - Most of the "Ks" are here, plus Pono, custom builders, Fluke, and a few even I hadn't heard of. All in tune, and all just "grab and play":

Me trying desparatly not to buy a Kamaka 8 string for $1100US:

Guitars - including a $10,000 custom baritone guitar that I couldn't bring myself to even play - they have hundreds of guitars from all sorts of small builders, this is less than 1/3rd of the stock:

Me getting my OM set-up and trying not to buy a third mandolin:

Not to mention harps, sheet-music, a big percussion room, melodica, pennywhistles, dulcimers... you name it. The place is HUGE. They also have seminars, concerts, and of course, lessons.

Honestly - If I were to make a store, it would be like this place.

I only wish it was a bit closer to my house, but if I ever move back to the city, this will probably be why.

What's in me??!!

Sorry, just a short rant about the current YT movie banner. The movie is "Where the Wild Things Are". The tagline: "There's one in all of us".

I'm sorry but I think that's a vague tag-line. There's one of what in all of us? A wild thing? A place where wild things are? Do I have inside of me a strange land where giant furries fraternize with little boys?

Oh wait. That's called a Hyatt Regency.

Sorry for the diversion. To make up for it, here's video of a furry playing a uke. The horror!

The UCB Anthem for today

I think this song is awesome for UCB, because it's filled with attitude and wit. And she swears, which should make that foul-mouth Russie happy. And she rhymes Bob Saget with faggot.

UCB? 100th Most Popular? Get The F' Out!

So our first week being ranked in the "Top 50 Ukulele Sites". We dropped in at the very bottom of the list. That's right, number 100...out of 50! If this was the billboard top 100, we could say we had a minor hit back in 2009. I'm not exactly sure how the rankings are calculated, but I did notice we are only 6 places behind "Utah Ukuleles", and if you count the number of hits we've had this week we are actually in the top 60. What does all this mean to any of us you might ask? Well, it means absolutely nothing of course. Just another way to measure our value as human beings against the value of others. And then whine and complain about how unfair it is! We love this shit!

Anyway, congrats to you bitches for being so uncool. Keep it up. With any luck someday we can kick the Utahan's asses all the way back to Wyoming (or wherever Utah is).

Live! Girls Girls Girls!

See what you've brought upon everyone, Alan?...

I am woman! Hear me.... cover bad pop songs? Watch me squeeze my boobies together?

As a woman, I am ashamed. Ashamed of all the girls on youtube, ukulele players not even being the teeniest tip of the iceburg- but I shall contain my ranting to them.

If I see one more girl... with a low cut, tight shirt, camera hanging from the ceiling staring straight down into Boobville- uke shoved up like a wonder bra, covering some pop song that has 185 related videos of the same damn song...

I swear. It's either that or short shorts, or the camera angled up & directly at the chest, or both... and then there's the talking... the talking, the talking. Ugh. "I'm cute!! I have a ukulele!! Wheee!!" The ones that have good voices, seem to all have the same good voice. It's that pop style.

Glasses? Did someone say glasses? I wear them myself, have since I was 7. I take them off for vids cause of the glare, and because what I'm trying to showcase in my vids is my soul. The eyes are windows to it, you know. I'm not sure what boobs are the window to.

It doesn't just fucking happen. You don't just randomly record & upload a video to youtube while wearing your bathing suit. You don't step out from the shower in a towel to find a camera rolling. Look... I have boobs. You can't fool me. I know for a fact that when they're hanging out, you can freaking feel that. You know. And even if you didn't purchase that shirt, you did put it on... & I'm positive you are aware of the cut of it.

I find myself thinking when watching videos of this nature... "What is it you want to be? A model, a porn star, or a uke player?" (Maybe it's all 3- wouldn't that be exciting!) It completely takes away from the music. Maybe half of the girls I'm talking about have soul but I personally find it hard to overlook the figurative "slut" tattoo across their foreheads to see it. Am I being too harsh here? I'm sure it goes the other way... my vids are very plain visually & that's probably boring to a lot of people. My still shots don't have any T or A in them. Not even B. So sad, so sad...

I don't wanna go to overboard serious here, but I often wonder what someone like Alice Paul would think of women today. How far we've come! And now we are free & have the right to show our goodies to each & every random drooling 50-something weird fat guy in 70s jogging shorts that may be trolling the internet at 3am!

How pathetic is it that I'm checking my Youtube page every dang minute to see if I get 1 more subscriber? Especially when it's not that deserved. Ken Middleton got to 1,000 long ago. BaronK69 got there earlier this year. But they're talented and stuff.

I'm only on the cusp of 1000 because one of my stupider videos was featured once. Man, if I had known, I would have asked them to feature some other video. Now, because that one was featured, I'm known as the "clean-cut" uker. The one that doesn't swear. "Oh, here comes Alan. Put away that spleef."

Videos with swearing in them will have notes in the description box that say,"* there's a swear word in this. Sorry, Alan."

Bah. FEA

Subscriptions on Youtube don't really mean anything. It's certainly not an accurate measure of one's talent. The UCBes deserve tons more subs on their individual YT channels than they current have. Adelle could have more, if only she'd wear big-ass glasses, go blond and show more cleavage. Not that I'm suggesting that.

Well. Until that happens, back to the sub watch. Feh.

Flying Cars, Prince, and Internet Porn

The internet is an interesting phenomenon. I was watching mctrmt’s latest video (or maybe her second latest), and it got me thinking. Remember when they used to tell us all about the cool things that we would have in the year 2000? The thing that we were all looking forward to the most was the flying cars. But even those would be obsolete by 2010 because we would all have personal jet packs. Hell, the sun would be blotted out from all the gadgets flying around in the sky. The year 2000 was going to be so cool. I remember as a kid thinking about how old I was going to be in the year 2000 and thinking it will never really come. Even Prince clamed that the standard for a good party was the ones that would happen in 1999. But I digress…

We didn’t get all of the things that the “experts” projected. What we got instead were cell phones, video games, iPods, and….The Internet. But how can this thing called The Internet possibly compete with a Flying F’ing Car? Well, aside from cool sites like Wikipedia, Reddit, DailyKos, and AccidentalDong, there are all the shopping sites like Amazon, Ebay, and Musiciansfriend. Not to mention all the porn!!! Oh…the porn….But wait, we also get sites like UkuleleUnderground and YouTube and this one, UkeCrazyBitches.

And NOW finally, my point; We hate on some of these sites on occasion, mostly on YouTube. But I for one owe a sincere debt of gratitude to the internet in general and YouTube specifically for introducing me to some really, really, really, cool people. People from all over the country (and the world). People who I call friends. Good friends. Real life friends. All from this magic little machine. So, in a nutshell…fuck the flying car, we all got something way way better…

Ok, enough with the love fest, I just had to get that out there…now…back to the hate...YouTube sucks!

They've Gone And Done It

Well they did it. Youtube has gone and changed my page design to the new format. I should have known they wouldn't let me keep the old style forever. Adelle blogged about this once before. The new design sucks. I thought we all agreed on that.

But I've seen this kind of thing before. Putting things like this off doesn't mean they will just go away. And you would think I would have learned my lesson in the past with things like the dentist, Jiffylube, and that case of jock-itch. Once again I naively thought that if I just ignored the warnings, and just kept putting action off, everything would be fine...but as in the past it wasn't fine. It wasn't fine at all. Now I have a bad teeth, a blown engine, scabs on my junk, AND a shitty youtube page.

Video of the Mainland Mango

Stay tuned for a (possibly) confusing essay on this video from Boozelele.

Mainland Mango Quickie Review

(Click on the pic for a bigger photo)

OK! Here is the new Mango concert ukulele from Mainland Ukes. I just received it via UPS yesterday. My first impression - "Wow, it's not what I thought it would look like." My Kala mango (a laminate) is a much different color. But the Mainland is stained, I'm guessing. The rope binding is on top of a white binding. The white binding is around the edge of the body back and the headstock, just like the Mainland mahogany (the red cedar Mainlands have only the rope binding).

But unlike the Kala, the Mainland is a solid wood instrument, and it becomes obvious after the first strum. It's LOUD! And the mango is a fuller sound than the red cedar and closer to the mahogany in tone. Sounds ring and resonate from the body which feels very light in my hands. Out of the 3 available woods from Mainland, I like the mango sound the best. I got mine with the friction peg tuners, which I prefer on sopranos and concert sized ukes. It's a very pretty uke and sounds great too.


You'll have to wait for audio, though. Sorry!

Crap. Just shoot me now.

Isn't this always the way it happens?

I finally decided on what ukulele to get from Mainland Ukes as my raffle prize: a mango concert. Then I look at their site and see the above picture. The concert mahogany with the slotted headstock.

Dang, it's purty.

When it comes to my serious ukes (the plastics are another matter), I've always said that the sound is the important thing.

But.

Dang, that's cool-looking.

But.

I have no excuse to get it.

BUT!

I just realized that I don't have a mahogany uke in concert size! Mango, yes. Red Cedar, yes. But mahogany?

Awesome.

Forum Bore 'Em

Someone had to post this. One of the UCB's sent this out. I wont say which one in case she wants to remain anonymous. I don't know exactly which forum she could be referring to. But most of us have been involved in forums at some point in our lives right?

Here We Go Again

I've decided that this ukulele purchase desease must be addressed at some point (Grumpy made some valid points in his last blog, which I concur with). I have been thinking a lot about this lately, and here are those thoughts (in no particular order).

1. I have never sold a uke. I have every one I have ever purchased.

2. What if I decided on say five ukes that I would like to have forever, and only buy and keep those?

3. There are really only two more that I absolutely must have. (ahem).

4. Mainland's shipment is almost here. I don't yet own one (this is one of the two that I must have).

5. I really like the ones I own, but I can only play one at a time. I have been neglecting some...but I really like knowing they are there.

I'm not really sure what the value of this post is. I guess I am looking for some guidence. Or at least sympathy. And there is NO better place for sympathy, positivity, and helpfulness than this blog, and with you wonderful, loving people.

MAS vs. UAS

I have recently been fighting the urge for a custom uke... Particularly a Koaloha DIV with a MI-SI pick-up and a few fancy bits.

Because instrument acquisition syndrome is utterly irrational in it's manifestation, I've been avoiding the purchase because of the cost.

In order to assuage the symptoms of UAS, I somehow came to the conclusion that I needed two - not just one - but two mandolins. An instrument, by the way, that I don't know how to play.

So last month I ordered an Octave Mandolin from Trinity College, and today I just ordered this Morgan Monroe standard A. This is I remind you, in some inexplicable Coyote-logic way, supposed to "tide me over" until I can afford the DIV.


All of which is bizarre enough until you do the math - at which point it becomes clear that I need to be medicated.

Excluding things like strings and shipping, the OM was $500, the new standard was $300. So I'm down $800, and still want the koaloha DIV. Considering I can probably get what I want for under 2k, I just blew nearly half of that (almost exactly half if you include the requinto I bought this summer for the same reason - and not incidentally the same price as a non-custom DIV) on instruments I don't need instead of scrimping and saving for another couple of months and just getting what I wanted.

Clearly, I have an illness. UAS avoidance is more expensive than just giving into the thing.

Undies or No Undies? That is the question

We're into October now, and still no word on Ukulele Underground if there will be an "Undies" Ukulele Video Awards for 2009. Since I was robbed by the UCB of an Undie that was rightfully mine (and they then proceeded to cut the award in two!) last year, I'm especially anxious about getting a second chance.

If UU is planning another awards show, I wonder about a few things. Such as, should videos that were made for other contests be allowed to compete for an Undie? Other questions will come to mind later, but now I want to hear what you think.