Happy New Ukulele Year

Hopefully everyone of you had a great holiday season. Here's to an even better 2010.

Cool Song

I am so envious of people who write songs like this. Seemingly facile and almost flippant, the talent in this song is that it doesn't make the genius of the song obvious.

Seeing Starz

I'm interested in hearing about how you all hand out your Youtube stars. Is it an auto 5 for anyone you sub/like? What about something you hate? Do you react & rate differently to something you hate by someone you have subbed as opposed to someone you don't sub?

What are the rating doing, really? Are you more likely to click on a vid if it's well rated... do you not click on a vid with one star? I want to know!

I find myself strangely drawn to the vids with one star... I just gotta know what it is, and what about it earned it that rating.

What do you think of the 1-5 rating system? Would Youtube be better off with a more Facebook approach- thumbs up or thumbs down?

Begin lively debate.... NOW!

The new UCB Anthem

Well, maybe for the weekend, at least. But who can resist this over-covered tune played on ukulele and dying cat? Well, that's what it sounds like....

He'll teach your parrot a new word....

Not a uke, but it is made with hate. I think we may have been seperated at birth - he got the talent. Go hit "subscribe".

Unce Unce Unce

You're Killing Me

Every time I bring up a new youtube page I get that same annoying iPod dancing-douche-bag ad. It seriously is driving me f'ing crazy. How can I make this thing stop? I am getting really pissed about this. And just so you know "Mr. Apple"- or whatever your name is - even though I need a new iPod, and your stuff is actually pretty cool, I'm not going to buy one just because this ad irritates me so much. So suck on that, jerk.

Defeat World Suck!!

Finally! Mike at Mainland Ukes gets to business attempting to defeat World Suck. And until Boozelele stops playing, this is the next best thing:


Visit the Ukulele Kiva site!

look out Britney, Erika's got your number!

okay, so this is usually Alan's thing, but i just had to post this brilliant youtube video. it doesn't contain ukulele but it does have Erika from Helvetica Uke Explosion awesoming up a storm. i will never understand the popularity of Britney Spears but if she made videos like this, i would watch the shit day and night. but i'd turn the volume down and play a Kelly Clarkson CD instead.

Audio Interview and Music by Rachel Goodrich

"Sessions From the Box" is new to me, but their last two sessions (Erin McKeown and Rachel Goodrich) have made me a big fan already. Rachel Goodrich is a musician from Miami. She features ukulele in many of her cool songs. Check out her "session". Although she doesn't play the uke here, she gets out her kazoo, charango and guitar and her unique vocal stylings.

Opening Up Your Mind

We often hear talk of ukulele’s “opening up”. But what the hell does this really mean? And do ukulele’s really “open up”? Or is this just another one of those myths that they would have us believe in. Like Aliens, or Big-Foot, or the female orgasm? I often hear people say things like “I was playing my uke this weekend and it really opened up” or “I’ve owned my new Kala for 3 months and it’s really starting to open up”. Really? Can this be? Hmmm.

I did some research on the web and came up with a few interesting articles like this one which says “The reasons for the improvement have to do with subtle changes in the stiffness and flexibility within the cellular structure of the wood, as well as the hardening of resins within the cells themselves. These changes usually take many years. In the final analysis, it seems that the major change is to the wood itself, with the top leading the way as the major tone-producing element.”

Huh? OH stiffness and flexibility within the cellular structure, and hardening of resins within the cells improves the tone-producing elements…yeah, that's what SHE said.

I actually read the above article all the way through (so you don’t have to) and what they did was they tried to speed up the process of aging a guitar by “shaking” it in order to replicate many years of playing. Here is their verdict; “difference between the before and after tapes is hard to pinpoint and not necessarily consistent from song to song, but we did feel that the guitar was ringing out more in the second session” That’s right we did “feel” that the guitar was ringing out more. Ok, buddy, shake this.

So to sum it all up? Horse-shit. Some people feel that old instruments sound better than new ones. IF this is true you would be looking at upwards of 50 years, not three months and definitely not a weekend. So if you want something to open up, get yourself a bottle of wine and a corkscrew. Otherwise we'll see you in 50 years.

On a scale of 1 to 10...

If life were like a video game (among other things) you'd be able to see someones musical ability like a health bar. Maybe there'd be a 10 point scale & right next to their head you'd see a little bar- halfway filled up, empty, all full... and you'd know. You'd know if they were someone you could potentially jam with, or someone that would make you want to restrict your playing time to after midnight under the covers where no one can possibly hear or see you because this guy makes you realize that all you're producing in comparison to him is noise- and not even pretty noise.

I went over to my buddys house the other night cause he had another friend there that plays guitar & was interested in havin a little jam session. I'd never met the dude before- and sadly there was no musical ability health bar floating next to his head.

"Play me a song, then I'll take a turn." he says innocently.

I wasn't too nervous- don't know the guy so I'm not worried about impressing him. So I start out with a Dead cover- Sugaree. It seemed to go over well, & he asked to hear an original. Sure! I played Ordinary Bones. Okay dude, your turn!

He decides to play an original. Starts out with a little picking... then he starts to strum & sing. It only took about 5 seconds for me to realize that his musical ability bar was twice as full as mine. When he got done playing, my jaw was hanging open & before I could even speak, he launches into another song. And that song? That song was freaking amazing. The lyrics were so well crafted that I wanted to knock him unconsious in the hopes he'd forget how crappy my song was. It was better than the first one- it was unbelievable- it was.... unfair. Totally, totally unfair.

How was I to know that you were gonna freaking kick ass, huh? And what's with asking me to go first? It's cause you knew I'd never play if I heard you first, isn't it? God damnit. I don't know if I hate getting tricked into playing fist more, or admitting that you're right I never would've played second.

The more casual the invitation, the more likely that person can play circles around you. And then they tend to be really nice about it... which just irks me more. If you were an ass with a huge ego, I would have a valid reason for hating you. Now I just seem petty & jealous.... which, yeah, okay, might be true... but... ;p

So after this dude I was jamming with played his second song... I was ready for some serious alcohol. There was one line from it that had really hit me & I started to tell him how it made me feel, but he cut me off. "Oh, I'm sorry- I didn't mean to confuse you! I guess I should've spoke up in between songs. That first song was an original, but the second was a John Prine tune."

Well, fuck a duck!

Good thing I didn't sneak into the bathroom & slit my wrists over it... I woulda felt reeeeal stupid when I figured it all out.

Sub-Grubbing

Not sure which I hate more, blatant sub-grubbing or poorly disguised sub-grubbing.

Oh I know, FEA!

Bradford's ArchTop Guitulele

Holy crap I want one of these... I don't know who "Bob" is, but he's about to be one happy SOB.

2 Videos, 3 buckets of Awesome

No, I don't know what that means, but this woman from Germany impressed me with her first few videos. Now her new video confirms my first impression. Call me Smitten McSmittysmit. Or don't. Listen to her version of Calexico's All the Little Horses. A German woman covering a song by an Arizona band. I loves the internets!

Put this dude in the "needs more subs" category...

Bloody good stuff here.

BOSS RC-20XL loop thingie

In disappointment over the apparently failed purchase of a used KoAloha D-VI (he never got back to me with a video) I bought myself a sympathy gift.

In the unlikely case that you don’t know what these things do, they can record a phrase of music on the fly and essentially allow you to do unlimited multi-tracking – live. So the curse of the solo uke guy (that is, a thin orchestration with no bottom end) is somewhat removed, and you can impress the drunk guy in the front row with your mighty one-man-band skillz.

I bought it intending to chunk out a rhythm track, lay down a basic chord progression and then sing and solo over that in live performances. It works like a charm for that, although I’ll need a bit more practice and guts to get it just right for the stage. The margin for error is pretty small, and if you make a mistake, it’s repeated endlessly. I can hit it about 70% of the time. Good enough for open mic, but I’m still not quite ready.

I expected to use it on maybe 2 songs – it was a total impulse buy and I was already having a little buyer’s remorse after a few hours. But…

What I didn’t expect was the pure utility of the thing. By day two I realized that while live performance is cool (provided I can pull it off), for simply practicing and writing this do-hicky is amazing. The ability to lay a progression down and instantly hear it repeated while I work out melody was unexpectedly useful. And for practicing solos, it’s worth its weight in choco-tacos. With the batteries in (as opposed to the 9v converter) all I need is a pair of headphones, a cable, and my uke and I can practice my face off anywhere – No amp required.

So while I may never get the balls to perform with it, it’s surprisingly handy as an everyday doo-dad. I expect I’ll use it at least a few times a week even if I never put it on stage.

Adelle's Weekly Bitch Session: Bathroom Spotter

Bathroom Spotter: the person sitting closest to the restroom in a restaurant (or other public place) should totally be responsible for telling you whether or not said bathroom is occupied!

Don't ya think?!

You go up, you knock... yr listening... maybe there's a faint rustling in there, not really sure. You knock again, ear pressed to the door... still not positive you're hearing anything. So you try the door knob only to find it locked, but you've already jiggled it really loudly & probably in what appears to be a menacing &/or desperate manner to the person that's in there. "Just a minute!" they bellow... they have suddenly gone from mute to yelling.

You have to walk back to your seat, past the lady sitting directly in front of the bathroom door. She gives you a look. It's smug... it's "Hmmph"... it's "Somebodies in there, eh?". You give her a look back. It's "Where were you on that one, bitch? Could'a let me know... help a sister out!".

Bathroom spotter... I'm telling ya...

So you sit back down & you watch the bathroom door. Eventually it opens... somebody comes out & does that "Whoa.. where the fuck am I?" thing where you turn your head from side to side & pan the whole room because for some reason going in the bathroom makes you forget where you were sitting in the restaurant.

But you stay seated for a minute longer, even after they get out, don't you? Try to make it look casual... don't want them to KNOW you're the door-knob-jiggler...

Have you ever walked in on someone in a public bathroom, or been walked in on?

I was walked in on once in a fast food restaurant bathroom by a little Mexican child.

She was probably about 10 or so & shut the door immediatly. No big deal, right? I went & sat back down with my friends to finish my food, didn't even feel the need to mention it to them.

When suddenly, I was approached by a Mexican couple & the same little girl. They drag her over yelling all excitadly in Spanish... speaking incredibly fast & loud. They basically push her up to me, still talking hurriedly at her. They shutup long enough for her to say "I'm sorry." then they both smile at me & say "She sorry." then grab the girl & drag her away yelling in Spanish again.

My friends mouths are just hanging open. "Duuuuuude.... what the fuck just happened?"

How to Prevent a Career in Music

Happy Thanksgiving

I am thankful for:

• the mute button (though I wish it could be installed on people)
• the"back" button
• the ignore button

fea

DMV: Department of Maniacal Vehemency

I'm in the process of putting a new (to me) car on the road... which meant that I had to deal with the inevitable trip to...::dun dun duuuun:: the DMV. ::shudder::

I walk into the building holding 8 pieces of paper. "Oh, DMV Gods, I bring thee offerings of much paperwork! Will that be enough to appease you today?" Seriously.

I go in & take a number; 11. They're currently waiting on #5. Not bad, not bad. I go over to the wall-o-forms... which, I might add, is blocked by a row of chairs. Yes, to accomodate more waiting people, they've put a row of chairs right in front of the forms... so you have to like shove your armpit into these peoples faces to get what you need, especially when you're short like me. I almost had to climb on a crackhead ladies lap to reach the shit.

I now have 10 pieces of paper, and a little ticket with my number. I sit down to wait.

Of course when yr at the DMV, you watch & listen to the people that are being waited on at the counter. It's always nerve racking... watching those before you get shot down....

Someone will walk up to the counter carrying handfulls of forms & paperwork, & that snot behind the desk will just flick through them, give a look over her glasses & say "Do you have form FR16?" "Well I... I don't know... I thought that..." "Yeah, you're going to need to fill out form FR16 before we can get started. NEXT!" "But I've been waiting for over an hour... my husband is..." "NEXT!!" & she has nothing to do but shuffle off with her head hung down dejectadly.

They won't budge an inch on anything. I watched one woman try to put a car on the road... she had the title & was trying to transfer into her name. "Is this the person's name that you bought it from?" "Yes." "Well, they actually needed to sign on THIS line... so you're going to have to get back with them & have them do that. Until then I can't help you." It was the same bitch behind the counter... the eye-glass-looker-over-er. If I had to make a guess... I'd say it's been at least 3 years since she's gotten laid. Seriously. What a bitch.

I can only imagine what the application looks like to work there: Question 1- Do you enjoy the feeling of crushing others hopes & dreams? Question 2- Do you feel a smug sense of superiority abusing what little power you have? Special note: all applicants must pass a rigorous 'glare & stare' test, as well as a bitchiness exam, and must score at least 8 out of 10 on both to be eligible for employment here.

It's always nerve racking... you're never sure if you've got everything you need with you, and there's no way to find out until AFTER you've waited for way to fucking long. Because time moves slower at the DMV. I don't know if it's the crackheads, the screaming babies, the bitchy counter help... or maybe there's something to that smell in the air... that smell of piss & vinegar & sweat & broken dreams. Maybe ya just kind of catch a buzz off of it, & that's why 15 minutes at the DMV is equivelant to 4 hours of Chinese water torture... or listening to an Alanis Morisette album in it's entirety; however ya want to look at it.

1 Subscriber?!

I love this guy. I don't know his name or where he lives (his YT channel says Trinidad & Tobago), but whenever he posts a ukulele video (which is rare), I enjoy it. This is his latest - not his best, though still good - and I thought he deserved a shout-out.

Oh, and he has 1 subscriber. Me.

Somebody Stop Me

Crap. This KoAloha D-VI (or DIV for you Deach) is up on Fleamarketmusic's marketplace for $850US, w/ case.

Already having him make me a video so I know it's the real deal (as opposed to one of the recent scams).

I may be doomed. I'm about to pay $850 + shipping for what is essentially a Koa-wood capo.

Quick - buy it before I can.

For 'Delly's Road Rage

Like they made it for you...

Formal Road Rage

An open letter to the guy that cut me off in traffic this morning for no apparent reason (seriously, there were like NO cars behind me for miles) and then proceeded to drive 15 miles under the speed limit:



Dear sir,

Why ya gotta be such a douche bag? I mean, seriously, dude... was that really necessary?

Pssshh.

Signed,
Adelle (the Great)

Moody Monday

The Wham! post by Booze got me a tad depressed. So let's lighten the mood!

Enjoy this light-hearted romp from the comedy classic "Hilary and Jackie!"

I've Got Your Ear-Worm Right Here

A couple weeks ago Russell blogged about the pain of getting some lame-ass song stuck in your head. We’ve all had it happen to us. Usually it’s some inane pop hit like “Oops I Did It Again” or “Living La Vida Loca”. I started thinking about this dilemma and wondered what would be the worst song to get stuck in your head? I remember a news story once of a guy who rolled his car into the ditch, and was trapped for 48 hours before he was found. When they finally came and pulled him out, they asked him what the hardest part of the ordeal was. He said it wasn’t the lack of food or water, it was that Wham was in his tape deck on auto-reverse and he had to listen to it over and over again till his battery mercifully died 36 hours after the accident. Can you imagine “Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go” for 36 hours? Seriously, put a bullet in my head before you go-go.

So this leads to the question; What is the “worst” song ever? Now I realize there are different genres of music, so for arguments sake lets say rock/pop music. The list has been compiled several times by various media outlets including VH1 and USA Today. And although there are some differences between each list, there are also some common songs. Here are some that always seem to make the top (or in this case-bottom) ten:

I'm Too Sexy - Right Said Fred
Every Body Have Fun Tonight – Wang Chung
Achy Breaky Heart – Billy Ray Montana-Cyrus
Heart of Rock n Roll – Huey Lewis
Don’t Worry Be Happy – Bobby McFucking Shoot-Me
Ice Ice Baby – Vanilla Douche Bag

But the song that consistently makes the #1 worst song is “We Built This City” by Starship. Starship? Who the fuck is Starship? No relation to Jefferson Starship, right? And what city? San Francisco? None of you were even in the band! Ok Grace Slick was, but for f’s sake….. The city was built on a lot of things, not the least of which is the San Andreas Fault…but you dorks didn’t build shit. Wait though is this really the "worst" song ever? I would rank any of the ones listed above as worse...oh and remember that lame-ass Eddy Murphy song?

Ok…I feel better now.

Apparently, we're late to the game :(

this guy should post more.

http://hatetheukulele.blogspot.com/


mmm, banana hatecakes.

Haz it been a year?

T__T

UkeSlackerBitches

Been almost two months since the last UCB vid.....

I got the baritone blues...

Ok. I've said it before, "My next uke is either custom, or a top-of-the-line KoAloha D-VI..." Blaa, blaa, blaa. I'm supposed to be saving my pennies for that. But now I want a baritone.

Now that I think about it, I don't think any of us UCB folks have one at all...

The first choice is obvious, Mike and Tookta over at mainland have a nice mahogany baritone now. Even with a case and pick-up, it's still about the best bang for the buck out there. Of course it doesn't get me any closer to my D-VI, but hey - we manage our UAS as best we can.

Any of you have or covet a particular baritone? Do tell...

Today's Post is Brought to You by the Letters F, E and A.

So Sesame Street is 40 years old.

Big deal.

Don't get me wrong. SS was a much-needed program when it appeared in 1969. But it became redundant in the 1990's, with the widespread use of cable TV and a host of alternative children's programming. But also, the new programs are designed for the attention-deficit kids of today. Try to watch Elmo and see if there's an unedited shot for more than 4 seconds. I may be showing my age, but I can get dizzy watching the new shows.

Compare that with this: 3 minutes of a 1 camera shot. And two of my favorite characters who have been banned by SS because they were deemed too "ethnic": Roosevelt Franklin and his Momma.

And when did everybody start seeing Snuffaluffagus anyway? He used to reside only in Big Bird's fevered imagination.

Cool New Contest

Enter the Booshman World Ukulele Contest, sponsored by low-budget Spiderman!

I guess it was only a matter of time.

Now that I think about it, my wife never really had a chance. I picked up my (one and only) ukulele again after a few years of neglect right after we got married. I really haven't put it down since. And now, fast-forward to the present day where I own a few more than just one uke. And after I fell into the clutches of the infamous UCB.

Now what happens? My boy wanders out of our bedroom closet wearing my UCB hat. I thought I hid it well enough. As soon as he put it on, he got the look. You know that look. It's the look that AdelletheGreat gets during the chorus while singing a Dead tune. It's the look that Deach give you at the end of one of his blues videos. Well, I got that look from my boy that day.

He put it on again today.

My wife doesn't have a chance.

Inner Beauty

On the tail of Russ' "like" post, I'd like you all to watch this video & be reminded that everything can be beautiful under the right circumstances.

I can haz "like"

it can't be all hate all the time. there are brief moments of "like" in between all the amazing body rockin' hategasms that happen 'round here. i mean, there's got to be some yin to the yang, some light to the dark, some ebony to the...oh you get the point. i was in the shower today, and not huddled up and crying in the corner like usual, but just contemplating the things in life that make me smile. there are so many great things in this world to appreciate, so much wonder and joy for us to behold, it's almost unbearable at times. you know, the kind of joy that makes you want to just gather up all your friends (and sheep if you got'em) and have one big group hug. mmmMMMMAhhhh (that's how you type out the sound of a hug right? no? well fuck you then).

so anyhow, here are some things that made me happy today:

1. a lady walking her dog in front of our house, picked up her dog's poop instead of just leaving it there on the sidewalk like an inconsiderate bitch. so darling

2. a man listening to raucous rap music in his POS hooptie did so at a volume that was inaudible by people on the street and the subwoofers didn't cause said hooptie to rattle like a shopping cart full of empty soda cans. what a delight

3. the clouds in the sky wept a bit, causing little drops of rain to fall and wash all the bird shit off of my car. joy be with you


so tell me lovely internet folk, what brought a smile to your face today?

Did I Say That Outloud?

Yesterday at work we did a story about a police chase involving a bank robber nick-named the Fantasia bandit. He was called this because prior to his stint as a bank robber he was robbing adult video stores. When they caught the guy, the first thing I thought of was "I wonder what they find when they search his car?"...so without thinking, and in a crowded room, I said "I bet they find a black plastic-prosthetic-strap-on-fist in his trunk". A few people laughed, others looked at me in horror (maybe because we had a group of high schoolers here taking a tour at the time). Looking back on it, maybe it was a little over the top.

It's even a bigger problem in on-line conversations. I left a comment once on one of Baron's videos, and someone else replied to me saying how rude I was, and "if you don't like it, don't listen". Really? I don't even know how what I said was construed as offensive but apparently it was. I had a girlfriend once that lived a good 50 miles from me. We would chat on-line sometimes in the evening to save cell phone minutes. One time she was eating and said something about how she is getting fat. I replied with "yeah, you are huge". Of course I was joking. You can all see that right? She didn't get it, and we are no longer together.

It's hard to express kidding, or ribbing without the benefit of voice inflection, facial expressions, juvenile hand gestures, fake-sodomy-hip-thrusts, etc. Especially for idiots like me, who speak without thinking most of the time anyway.

It turns out the bank robber's last name was "Bearcub"....somehow I managed to keep the racial/gay jokes to myself. Maybe I'm learning. but to those who i piss off with my lame attempts at humor...uh..well...you know....(insert some easily misunderstood offensive comment here).

I like this duo

With Russ's last post in mind, here's a ukulele earworm. Beirut'sPostcards from Italy has been covered by everybody and their mom, but this new addition to Youtube caught my ear. Mostly because the ukuleleist has a wonderful opening strum. But the rest is pretty awesome, too. Enjoy! And Russ, your wife is looking for you.

Earworm driving me nuckin futs!

so there have been many times of uncertainty in my life. you know those moments where you really have to sit and think about your feelings, wants, ambitions. this requires the kind of introspective thinking and self reflection that only a walk around a pond or wooded area with your hands clasped behind your back as you gaze thoughtfully at birds and shit can provide. deep thoughts, like should i be a shark or a jet? was i more attracted to Sandy before or after her Pink Ladies sluttification in Grease the movie? should i spend anymore money here in this strip club? So many questions unanswered.

so all that rambling leads me to my most recent question. when you get an earworm to an annoying song that you can't stand, does that mean you secretly like the song? i've often wondered how shitty songs have a way of embedding themselves in your head like so many parasitic wrath of khan brain worms and then have you humming along like a possessed retard. i mean just the other day, i heard some Colbie Caillet song on the radio, and i switched the station immediately, but the song kept going on in my head. i knew the goddamn melody! i had heard it somewhere before, maybe the mall, maybe at applebees, maybe this here strip club, but wherever it was, it was enough so that i know the melody and now it's been stuck in my head. so now i'm asking myself, do i really like this song? but it's not a Kelly Clarkson song, so i can't like it right? has anybody successfully removed an earworm with an icepick? earhole enema? shotgun blast?

ah f*ck my life, i'm going to go hum that song while i wash the dishes now.

The REAL "Bring the Song" Challenge

If you're not part of the Ukulele Underground forum or have totally avoided ukulele videos on Youtube, you don't know what the "Bring the Song" challenge is. But let's assume you do, or you at least checked out the link in this paragraph.

There must be over 300 songs written for GrumpyCoyoteTunes' challenge - and it started in February 2009! If I did my math correctly (and I probably didn't), this translates to almost 2 songs written every day since February 1. And there are many gems in this collection as well as some clunkers. I hope I've written at least one of the former and I KNOW I've written a few of the latter.

But the new challenge is - how are we going to choose 12 or so songs to include on the "Bring the Song" CD? By the end of the challenge on January 31, there will over 400 songs to pick from (half of them written by Deach). Voting for them individually would be asking too much of, well, everybody.

I think a possible solution is to have the songwriters pick their top 3 favorites of their songs. Then to put the voting on the UCB and UU web sites. But Grumpy may already have thought of a good idea on how to do this.

Grumps?

Long Live The Queen!

Of all the things that we get out of this ukulele thing, the greatest by far are the friends we make. And one of our own has a birthday today. So from all of us UCB boys, and the others who frequent this site, Have a Happy Happy Happy Happy Birthday Adelle. We love you.

The E stands for Evil

I hate you E-bay.

I hate how when I load your site, you automatically put "great deals" on ukes right there in the window- pictures & all. Just wave em around in front of my nose... like fresh chocolate chip ukes, right outta the oven. "Mmmm don't these ukes look sooooo good? Free shipping! I know how you love free shipping!"

Ya know what? Scew you E-bay! Maybe I logged on to look for an electric pencil sharpener... or a, or a slightly used set of poker chips. Yeah! See, I was thinking with Christmas coming up I could get some good deals and...

Okay fuck you I was gonna look for ukes.

Generic Hate Bacon (open thread)

If you have comments unrelated to previous posts, random bitches, and/or miscellaneous ramblings, leave them here....I'll start....

New YT Discovery

Allow me to introduce to you FannyFanlight on Youtube. She is a new Youtoober, but her 3 ukulele covers are awesomely sublime. Here's my favorite of the three:

Dream Job

Is there such a thing as a "dream job" for me? If by job you mean not-job & by dream you're implying that I'm still in bed & it's 10am...

I used to think that working in a record store would be the coolest job in the world. Surrounded by music & instruments... able to listen to anything you want but don't have to buy it... maybe get free promotional stuff that comes through- like big card board cut outs & album release posters. Spending all day amidst your passion... how awesome!

But then I went to a record store.

I'm standing there, the only customer, coveting a Little Feat box set, convincing myself not to buy it... and in walks this guy:

Okay, so that's not ACTUALLY the guy... but it may as well have been! There are a million of these douche bags walking the streets. He comes in & walks up & down the CD aisles for maybe 2 minutes then goes up to the clerk & says "Where's Green Day?"

"We keep it under... G." Way to go, sales guy! Couldn't have replied any more sarcastically myself... well, besides maybe something like "I'm sorry, we only sell music here." or "We keep those in the bathroom." but then I probably would've got fired.

See, that's why working in a record store wouldn't be quite as cool as it sounds at first. You'd have to spend yr day talking to guys with tribal tattoos about really really bad music. You would have to become somewhat versed in really really bad music, so that you could have those conversations. ::shudder:: Someone could potentially come in one day & say to you "Do you have The Best of Journey?" & you would have to give them a serious reply. You might actually have to hold an Alanis Morisette album in your hands at some point, for crying out loud!

I couldn't do it.

I hate Green Day, and guys with tribal tattoos. I can't work in a record store, at least I wouldn't be able to keep a job at one for long... "Adelle, did you move all the Celine Dion CDs to the letter H section?" "Well, H for horrible..." "And are you responsible for the black marker mustache & funny glasses on the Miley Cyrus poster...?"

Why Can't We Just Party?

Are there any really good ukulele festivals? If there are, someone needs to compile a list. I mean where are the “Carnivals, or Mardi Gras’, or Oktoberfests” of uke festivals? I know there was a big one in Napa not long ago at a winery. There was one in Eugene, Oregon a couple weeks ago called Uketoberfest- But Im pretty sure everyone DIDN'T sit around long tables in their lederhosen playing their Brukos, while hot St. Pauly Girl waitresses served up liters of beer. So where are the really good ones? Are all uke festivals the same and are they all lame?

Ukulele World Congress was everything a uke festival should be. There were no seminars, no lessons, no classes at all. There were no tickets and no ticket takers. And because there were no tickets, there were no gates, no fences, and no security. You couldn’t buy a sandwich, bottled water or soda. There were no venders of any kind. There were no beer gardens, no roped off sections for the over 21 crowd, no alcohol for sale at all. There were no reservations, no sign-ups, and no waiting lists. It was the perfect uke party. It reminded me of those parties we used to have in high school. They were spread by word of mouth, usually located in a field somewhere, or down by the river. Just show up and pitch in a couple bucks for beer, and you were guaranteed a good time (as long as the cops didn’t show up). You slept wherever you passed out. I would venture to guess that the Milwaukee Ukulele Festival, or the Oklahoma City Ukulele Meet-up, isn’t anything like this.

It’s too bad there can’t be more like the UWC. Maybe there are. I mean two or three times a year would be enough. Indiana in June and say somewhere in the Deep South in January or November. Who will take on this challenge? Anyone? If only Mike would buy a nice piece of property along the Gulf Coast…

Thanx There Deachlilah

so this is about a month late, but deach sent me some goodies for my birthday last month and i'm finally getting around to making the "thank you" video. i would have done it sooner but the Ebm7 chord was bustin' my ballz and the complicated strumming pattern eluded me for weeks. anyway, i got a cool Tripping Lily CD, some hate bacon mugs, and one of those fancy musical greeting cardz (see video).

deach's card reminded me of this video i favorited over a year ago from one of my youtube heroes Gio (thingsBIGthe) from NYC. i give him major props for sitting through 100 covers of one of the shittiest songs ever.

Sound of the Shell

Have you seen her videos yet? Here's her latest. I thought that this one was appropriate, what with the Krabbers-like hat. So until Krabbers resurfaces, here this gal:

But... there are some cases where I do feel subbing would at least be the polite thing to do. So, I've compiled a list. It's called...
People Who Should Sub Me But Don't

1. Tab Parasites:
If you randomly leave a comment on one of my vidoes, I don't expect a sub. However, if you randomly leave a comment on my video requesting tab for the song I'm playing... then yeah, I'd like a sub. Not to increase the numbers- but if you expect me to take the time to figure out where I found the chords for that partiuclar song, and then email them to you... I'd like you to put forth the minimal effort of hitting "subscribe". Especially the people that don't comment, but go to the trouble of sending an email to ask you for the tab.. those d-bags. I'm tempted to write back "Ya know... if we were to combine the time it took you to write to me, and the time you're spending reading this, you could have found the tab on your own by now." It's just respectful I think, to sub someone if you're asking them to do a favor for you. Am I being too harsh?

2. Friendzz:
If you request my interwebz friendship through another site that I'm pretty sure we all frequent on a regular basis that I shalt not name... let's just call it New Whaley Thunder Hound... then you should sub me. It's not like Youtube... the scale is incredibly smaller- you know who you're asking on there. Random youtube friend requests? I don't expect a sub from them. But if we're intouch outside of Youtube, if you wanna be my "friend"... then, yeah. Not for a sub number, but because in actual friendship this would be the thing to do.

3. Phantom Listeners:
I know I said it's not about the numbers... and it's not, I swear. But sometimes... it's a little bit about the numbers. I get people that watch my vids on a regular basis, comment, email me.... but no sub. Sometimes it's users with no vids up of their own, & no subscriptions at all... typically older folks who don't really understand how youtube works. I can see that. Other times I just can't figure out why- why don't you sub me?! ::sob:: You've commented 4 of my last 5 vids... why?!

4. People I've freaking played music with:
Yes, to my dismay... there are 2 different folks I did duets with who didn't sub me. Both have come around now, and I'm not naming names... but it was really a wtf thing.

/end whine list

Sub for a sub is ridonkulous. I don't do it, I don't expect it. Next!

Waverly's F-Hole Concert Ukes

I'm liking the look of these from Waverly Street. I'm not crazy about the Fender-style headstock, but other than that, they look fantastic.

Anyone play any of Dave's ( I think it's Dave) other instruments?

A Gift for you - Hate bacon for me

Now that I'm the father of a 2 and 1/2 year old, my level of cynicism has dropped dramatically. I see the world a bit more through his eyes - young and innocent. And that's why I can sit through an episode of "Bob the Builder" and not make any satirical remarks. I see the astonishment and wonder in his eyes regarding his new discoveries - whether it's his first hearing of an owl hoot or watching "Baby Signing Time" for the 800th frickin' time. I actually rejoice at every moment a smile appears on his face.

But I'll be danged to heck before I ever show him this. Enjoy!:

Where No One Has Gone Before

I remember when it all started. It’s been almost two years now. We were all so young and innocent. So full of hope and promise. There were really only a “handful” of people posting ukulele videos on youtube. I remember seeing mercedezzz version of ‘I Will Survive’ on banjo uke and thinking to myself how cool that was. Hell, I could do that! I know a ton of old songs that I could cover on the ukulele, and be just as cool as her! (at the time it didn’t even occur to me that she has more talent in her little finger nail than I have in my whole body, or will ever have for that matter). So I bought a banjo uke and did a lame cover of ‘Black Peter’ by the Grateful Dead. It sucked. But it didn’t matter. No one else had done it. There was nothing else to compare me to. I was breaking new ground. I was the Meriwether Lewis, the Earnest Shackleton, the Sir Edmond Hillary of the banjo uke. A week later I bought a Fluke and started covering just about any old tune I could think of. Again, I was the Christopher Columbus the Robin Knox Johnston, the James T. Kirk of the ukulele.

But now it’s all been done. Now whenever I think of a song to cover, I do a youtube search to see if it has already been covered. Usually it has. Even really obscure songs are used up. (I spent seven weeks learning “Overture" from "Tommy” by The Who, only to find out it has been done on the uke. Really? Tommy? Are you fucking kidding me?) A lot of the time the song I want to do has been done by someone I know. This is where things get really complicated. I am left asking myself; should I do it anyway? Should I cover it again? Do I give them credit in the sidebar? Do I post it as a video response? I surely don’t want to look like I am trying to “out-do” them (not like I could). What is the protocol here? Damn it, it used to be so easy.

We all know what UAS is, but...

I realize that self diagnosis' aren't always correct... but I believe I am this time. I know we all joke around about having UAS & that's all well & good... but guys... I just discovered... I have something reffered to as 'UKS'.

I'm sure you're wondering what that is, how I came to realize I'm a likely sufferer, what it means for my future. I'm wondering that one myself. The only thing I'm entirely certain of is that you guys will support me & help me work through it- and that means an awful lot to me.

Okay fish hook! Fish hook! Pull it out yo mouth! UKS- Ukulele Keeping Syndrome. I cannot- CANNOT- imagine parting with a single one of my ukes under any circumstances. Is that wrong? Am I greedy?

I collect a loooot of things. Since it's not empty toothpaste tubes or toe nail clippings, or cats- I don't consider myself weird or a "hoarder". But oh, I do love my things. And I'll be damned if I'm gonna give em up. I can't even give away paperback books I read.... a uke? Pffft. Sorry. I'd have to be reeeallly high & you'd have to be reeaeallly convincing.

At the UWC there was this little boy who wanted a uke & he was Deached one by Deach after Boozelle got all fucking soft watching the kid strum one. That's probably the only moment in time when I would have outright given my own uke away without hesitation or morning regret. But, it passed. The kid got a uke & I didn't have to give mine up & the universe continues in harmony. Booze is still going to hell, but he at least now has one line on the "good" side of the chalkboard of his soul.

If I was broke, selling a uke wouldn't even cross my mind. I would live on the streets with them.

*Giving someone a uke is different. Buying one to give them- I would totally do that. I think too that if one was passed on to me from someone else, and it was done with that wording "I'm passing this on to you", I would be able to pass that one on again. But as for the ones I've picked out & bought, & especially the ones that were given to me by Deach... I could never part with those.

I'm having a contest- the video announcing it will be posted Sunday night sometime. Guess what you win? Not a fucking ukulele! This is how I realized I have UKS. I have a concert Lanikai that I haven't touched in... well... since I got the Adelle fluke. The thought of giving it away made my heart break. It was the first uke I bought, my sole instrument for a long time on which many an original song was written. The fact that I haven't played it in forever probably leads to the logical conclusion that it would be okay to give it away to someone who actually would play it. I'm sorry. Think whatever you will of me- I can't do it. Yes I would love to give the gift of music to someone.... but I can't part with my ukes. That's honestly the only one I don't play at least once a week, and I just can't do it. It sits proudly in it's stand in my living room. I don't have to play it... it knows I still love it. We had some really great times together- wrote a lot of songs. We played I Kissed a Girl together & unveiled Deachs face to the world- plus really got to know Russ, Booze & Alan in the process. We played I Don't Like Mondays for someone I vaguely called "Grumpy Coyote Man". We's tight.

So I'll save up to build an addition on the house. Maybe I'll get a big Scrooge McDuck room where I can roll around in my ukes. Maybe someday I'll have so many there will be one in both bathrooms- a uke hanger next to the TP holder. I love ya- I want you to be inspired- I want you to play... but ::hugging uke semi-defensivly::

Think what you will. Think I'm greedy, selfish, stingy. What-ev. You can't deny I love my ukes, though. And I can't deny I'm slightly crazy ;p

'Scuse Me, Do I Know You?

Someone clue me in. What is the point of sending out friend requests on youtube to anonymous users? I get these all the time. Usually they are from musicians. I never understood this (of course I have never given it much thought either) Do you get an award for having the most “friends”? And just to be clear, I don’t really like most of my real friends. Why the hell would I want to be “friends” with random a-holes on youtube? I guess if I did think about it, I would assume it is either for the ability to send out new videos to all your “friends” and garner more views, or to get people to visit your channel out of curiosity and hope they subscribe. Either way, it is fishing for unwarranted attention. I generally have a policy of immediately denying these bogus friend requests. Maybe one of you can give me a valid reason to change my policy. And maybe you random a-holes can give me a valid reason to accept you as my “friend” (and just so you know it will probably take more than being a cute Asian girl with boobs).

P.S. I did notice another UCBer got hit with the same friend request, and accepted it. Can you guess who it was?

ADDENDUM: Now that I am awake I want to clarify the above post. The girl in the picture with the boobs is also very talented, and perhaps I would have subbed her had I found her videos on my own. I did not mean to flame her specifically, but I DID mean to flame the annonymous friend requesters aS a group. -TCASI

Don't you even dare!

Don't you dare post a thread here begging for votes. Don't even think about it. You know who you are.

My Apathy Can Kick Your Empathys Ass!

Sometimes it's just the abbreviated drunk yelling "This is MY SONG!!"

Other times they speak for so long my ears start to bleed. "OMG I looove this song! It's like they wrote it about my life! No, seriously- it's just like me & my friends & my life!! It's like they were with us when they wrote it."

No.



If whatever band you are currently referencing ever hung out with you & your friends... the only thing they'd likely write would be a will, or a suicide letter. If they did write a song about you, it would be entitled something like 'This Dumbass Thinks He's Cool' or 'Captain Lame-O & His Gang of Rectal Engineers'.

I'm just sayin ::batting eye lashes innocently::

A well written song can be understood & related to by a diverse group of people. It's kept mostly vague enough that it can be interpreted into the listeners life. Bob Dylan was really good at that. Did you know that 90% of females feel that 'Just Like a Woman' is about them? He was great at longing songs & lost love songs too... but I won't ramble.

A good song makes you feel something. It's great that you empathize with this one. Tell me it reminds me of your life. Tell me you understand what they mean. But quit being so darn babbly & cutesy & literal about it. Don't gush on me.... it's icky. You really don't have to say anything except "I love this song" to make me realize you identify with it. And honestly, the less you say the more willing & interested I'd be to listen... cause when you really want someone to listen to a song that has deeply moved you, you shut the fuck up so they can listen to it. If you're still talking, you obviously are more interested in telling me about your life by ways of how this song to relates to it rather than bringing a piece of music to me. So shush. And I'm changing the CD.

Jake's Kiss of Death

Okay, so Jake Shimabukuro is playing a show in SF tonight. He's an absolutely amazing ukulele player, just not somebody i'd pay to go out and see (that is unless he starts covering Journey or Kelly Clarkson songs. then count me in for front row tix).

Here's my warning to you young ukulele enthusiasts going to the show tonight. If you really must have something autographed by him, please let it be your piece of shit wall-hanger uke, or a CD, or a napkin from your glove compartment. Just don't bring your primary uke to have it signed. Here are some reasons:

1. It's not going to be worth more if you have it signed. Everybody and their mothers have gotten their ukes signed by him. It's not unique anymore. In fact, it'll probably be worth less if you ever try to sell it.

2. If you get it signed, then you're gonna start a thread on a uke forum asking how to protect that signature. Fuck that! Just play the damn thing like it was meant to be played. Don't hang it on the wall never to be played again because you're scared your grubby little forearm will rub off the signature.

3. Isn't the gratuitous photo of you and Jake throwing up the "shaka" memorable enough? Come on now, leave the uke alone!

And don't get me wrong. There's nothing wrong with being a superfan. I mean shit, I'm in love with Aldrine Guerrero, and I don't mean in a platonic way. I mean in a legal Massachusetts wedding with white doves and rainbow tablecloths kinda way (relax, i'm kidding! i would need rainbow doves as well).

So yeah, go ahead and get something signed by Jake. that $10 tourist uke, a DVD of Cool Runnings, your furry chest, etc. Just don't let it be your primary uke. That's for you to play and enjoy. Don't let a signature ruin it for you.

Mexicans, Chow Mien, and Led Zeppelin

Like Adelle my brain often works overtime. I’m not saying that when it works it works constructively. I’m often just thinking of stupid little things to amuse myself. And here are a couple of those things…

Yuke-oo-lay-lee or Ook-oo-lay-lay? This is often discussed and frankly, who gives a shit? I don’t…except when it’s abbreviated. Uke sounds a lot better to me than Ook. “I bought a new ook. Hand me my ook. I have ‘an’ ook.” It sounds like something really disgusting to me. “I used to go out with her, but she turned out to be a total ook”. “I was walking barefoot in the yard and stepped in a big pile of ook.” ”Don’t eat at that Chinese restaurant down the street, I found an ook in my chow mien.”

Arguably the most popular ukulele strings are Aquila. But how do you pronounce “Aquila”? L’Aquila is a town in Italy pronounced La kwilla. I’ve heard Ken Middleton pronounce it this way. I say a-key-la, because there is a city in Mexico named Aquila, and I am 3/4 Mexican. Some people use the gangsta pronunciation a-killah. Like “I’m a killa”. Ukisociety says Ahh-kwila. Like the Jethro Tull song.

Speaking of Jethro Tull, here is today’s trivia: Everyone knows that The Beatles are the greatest band to ever live. But did you know that Led Zeppelin is second? Followed closely by The Who? When you get to four through ten it’s not nearly as cut and dry. Most people put The Rolling Stones in there, but did you know that they aren’t even in the top ten? It’s true.

Bend Over Like Beckham

We have this coffee table book called "What Would Satan Do?", and it's full of wonderfully tasteless cartoons. When the UkuleleUnderground guys were over here a few weekends ago, Aaron came across this particular cartoon that reminded us of our favorite soccer mom.

Uncanny, right?

I Bought A New Uke Today!

I know you are asking yourself “why the hell is he posting this? We are all sick of random ‘I got a new uke’ posts. Like any one gives a sh*t.” Well this one is different. It’s a Mainland….

What? Everyone has a Mainland! Yes, I know, that is precisely the reason this is different. I DON’T have a Mainland. Most of us have known Mike (HoosierHiver) since back when he worked at Bushman. I own a Bushman because Mike worked there. Not long after he sold me a Bushman Cedar Tone Tenor, I remember him sending me an email telling me about his idea for a new company. At the time I thought Bushman was going out of business (they couldn’t keep any ukes in stock, and seemed to just stop answering the phones) and I also thought that Mike was gaining ownership of Bushman (of course that wasn’t the case. In fact to be clear, he never indicated any of that to me, he only said he had some “things” he couldn’t talk about). I have to say, at the time I was jealous. I couldn’t help but think “damn it, if Bushman is going out of business, I want it. Not just one Bushman ukulele, but the whole damned company. I always thought that Bushman was a success story just waiting to happen. There is only one thing standing in the way of it becoming the next Kala, or Ohana; and that one thing is good management. It takes real talent to take a company like Bushman and run it into the dirt. But that’s exactly what happened (and continues to happen). And perhaps the biggest mistake that Bushman ever made, was severing ties with HH. Not only did they lose a great guy, and a great representative, but they created a competitor that they literally can NOT compete with.

Now to my new ukulele… Mike has always treated me well, even when he was representing that other company. When he ventured out on his own I wanted to support him. For one reason or another I never could. Luckily the success of his company did not rest on whether or not I bought from him. It turns out that I wasn’t the only one who trusted him and supported his endeavor. So a year later, Mike’s little company is going gang-busters. And finally I can support him in my own tiny way. And so that is why I can say proudly “I bought a new uke today”.

apples rule, oranges drool...

so lets say i'm an apple enthusiast. i just love eating apples and everything about them, sliced apples, apple pie, apple sauce, apple juice, apple on the cob, candied apples, apple flavored lube, etc. because i like apples, would it sound stupid if i were to say that oranges suck because they are difficult to eat? you know, the skin is inedible, seeds are a bitch to remove, you get orange gunk in your fingernails when trying to peel them.

a little silly right?

okay now lets say i'm a ukulele enthusiast. does that make guitars "icky"? you know, too many strings, too big, steel strings are hurty on my delicate string cheese fingers, etc. i've seen it here and there in ukulele forums but i just find it ridiculous when people go all anti-guitar when they pick up the uke. is that really necessary? they are different instruments and both have their good and bad points. the mutual bad points being they are both douchebag magnets. see case in point.

so anyway, where is the love for our 6 stringed cousin? they are fun to play too, aren't they? why is it that a uker who picks up a guitar is seen as "going to the dark side"?

i'm going to go strum my baritone zither now and pout. pout out loud!

RABUAD: Rockers Against Boozelele Uking And Driving

I'm not sure, but I think this guy is protesting Boozelele driving while uking.

I Guess I Asked For It

I don't know what I was thinking when I replied to this thread on UU. The whole damned driving while playing thing had been put to bed. But in my defense, someone brought it up, and then there was a reference to how precious Victoria Vox is, and I felt dissed I guess. So I linked my video (which incidentally I was very proud of - I usually don't put anywhere near that much effort into a video). Almost immediately I start getting the hate-bacon served up to me, hot and crisp. But I will refrain from adding fuel to the fire...I will let it go....really...I'm not going to comment anymore....seriously....(at least I'll try)

No Ukes were Harmed in the Making of This Blog

Why can't I sleep? Because my brain is too damn active... pondering great mysteries. No uke content here... I was gonna apologize for going off topic but after Al posted a furry vid I figure we don't have a topic to stray from.

Random Thoughts from the land of Ukulele Delly:

Just because you can get into the pants, doesn't mean they fit you.

Has anyone ever said "Hey! Check out that Bulgarian chick! She is HOT!"?

As my best friends, I trust that one of you will immediately clear my computer history if I die unexpectadly.

If a piano player is a pianist, wouldn't a race car driver be a racist?

Ko'olau needs to drop Pono

I do a lot of really dumb things. Fun, but dumb. Even though I've seen some really poor quality Pono's, when I saw a Tenor Ko'olau Pineapple uke on ebay, I had to get it. I was really sweating this purchase and wondering if the mother company of Pono had better quality control of their own products.

Today the uke came. I looked all over this uke and could not find one flaw. (with the exception of Aquila strings, although Ko'olau Golds were supposed to be on the uke) I studied and studied the uke and couldn't find one stinking flaw, not a drop of excess glue, no dents, dings or scratches, not even one speck of mouse fart. The frets are smooth, the finish perfect, the tuners smooth blah blah blah blah blah.

I'm glad I took a chance and decided to buy it despite my experiences with Ponos. Ko'olau needs to drop Pono or increase the quality control of Pono's ukes.

Thanks Big Daddy D...

I'm not sure if the following story is exactly what happened, but it's how my hangover let me remember it....

So there we sat in San Francisco. Almost all of the UCB in one place for the first time since the UWC ("Where's Alan?" is another post...). All happy as clams eating a big greasy breakfast together. Deach was sitting across the table from me.

When the waiter brought the meals, there was an extra side of bacon for D. I didn't think much of it until Deach pushed it across the table to me. I blinked at him, confused. For 20+ years I've been a vegetarian. Deach knows this. He nudged the little pile of aromatic piggie a bit closer.

"What's this?" I asked.

"Side of bacon for you to smell..." he replied. "Maybe you or the other veggie will want some." He shruged at Adelle.

"So, you bought us..." I hesitated, not sure of what to call it - "you bought us... hate bacon?"

Deach smiled that Big Daddy Devil grin he has, "Hate Bacon indeed..." The name stuck.

Yesterday I received a package in the mail from none other than Deach - This is what was inside (Baconaise for dramatic presentation purposes - not included)...

Thanks mi amigo... I almost made a video of opening it, but that's been done to death.

Dusty Strings really doesn't help my IAS

Just some pictures for the most part. My favorite music store, Dusty Strings, in Seattle...

Only about 1/2 of the wall-o-ukes - Most of the "Ks" are here, plus Pono, custom builders, Fluke, and a few even I hadn't heard of. All in tune, and all just "grab and play":

Me trying desparatly not to buy a Kamaka 8 string for $1100US:

Guitars - including a $10,000 custom baritone guitar that I couldn't bring myself to even play - they have hundreds of guitars from all sorts of small builders, this is less than 1/3rd of the stock:

Me getting my OM set-up and trying not to buy a third mandolin:

Not to mention harps, sheet-music, a big percussion room, melodica, pennywhistles, dulcimers... you name it. The place is HUGE. They also have seminars, concerts, and of course, lessons.

Honestly - If I were to make a store, it would be like this place.

I only wish it was a bit closer to my house, but if I ever move back to the city, this will probably be why.

What's in me??!!

Sorry, just a short rant about the current YT movie banner. The movie is "Where the Wild Things Are". The tagline: "There's one in all of us".

I'm sorry but I think that's a vague tag-line. There's one of what in all of us? A wild thing? A place where wild things are? Do I have inside of me a strange land where giant furries fraternize with little boys?

Oh wait. That's called a Hyatt Regency.

Sorry for the diversion. To make up for it, here's video of a furry playing a uke. The horror!

The UCB Anthem for today

I think this song is awesome for UCB, because it's filled with attitude and wit. And she swears, which should make that foul-mouth Russie happy. And she rhymes Bob Saget with faggot.

UCB? 100th Most Popular? Get The F' Out!

So our first week being ranked in the "Top 50 Ukulele Sites". We dropped in at the very bottom of the list. That's right, number 100...out of 50! If this was the billboard top 100, we could say we had a minor hit back in 2009. I'm not exactly sure how the rankings are calculated, but I did notice we are only 6 places behind "Utah Ukuleles", and if you count the number of hits we've had this week we are actually in the top 60. What does all this mean to any of us you might ask? Well, it means absolutely nothing of course. Just another way to measure our value as human beings against the value of others. And then whine and complain about how unfair it is! We love this shit!

Anyway, congrats to you bitches for being so uncool. Keep it up. With any luck someday we can kick the Utahan's asses all the way back to Wyoming (or wherever Utah is).

Live! Girls Girls Girls!

See what you've brought upon everyone, Alan?...

I am woman! Hear me.... cover bad pop songs? Watch me squeeze my boobies together?

As a woman, I am ashamed. Ashamed of all the girls on youtube, ukulele players not even being the teeniest tip of the iceburg- but I shall contain my ranting to them.

If I see one more girl... with a low cut, tight shirt, camera hanging from the ceiling staring straight down into Boobville- uke shoved up like a wonder bra, covering some pop song that has 185 related videos of the same damn song...

I swear. It's either that or short shorts, or the camera angled up & directly at the chest, or both... and then there's the talking... the talking, the talking. Ugh. "I'm cute!! I have a ukulele!! Wheee!!" The ones that have good voices, seem to all have the same good voice. It's that pop style.

Glasses? Did someone say glasses? I wear them myself, have since I was 7. I take them off for vids cause of the glare, and because what I'm trying to showcase in my vids is my soul. The eyes are windows to it, you know. I'm not sure what boobs are the window to.

It doesn't just fucking happen. You don't just randomly record & upload a video to youtube while wearing your bathing suit. You don't step out from the shower in a towel to find a camera rolling. Look... I have boobs. You can't fool me. I know for a fact that when they're hanging out, you can freaking feel that. You know. And even if you didn't purchase that shirt, you did put it on... & I'm positive you are aware of the cut of it.

I find myself thinking when watching videos of this nature... "What is it you want to be? A model, a porn star, or a uke player?" (Maybe it's all 3- wouldn't that be exciting!) It completely takes away from the music. Maybe half of the girls I'm talking about have soul but I personally find it hard to overlook the figurative "slut" tattoo across their foreheads to see it. Am I being too harsh here? I'm sure it goes the other way... my vids are very plain visually & that's probably boring to a lot of people. My still shots don't have any T or A in them. Not even B. So sad, so sad...

I don't wanna go to overboard serious here, but I often wonder what someone like Alice Paul would think of women today. How far we've come! And now we are free & have the right to show our goodies to each & every random drooling 50-something weird fat guy in 70s jogging shorts that may be trolling the internet at 3am!